What cities do for you

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Ever consider all that local government does for you?

If not, here's a clue: Go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kiUr9dCrk and check out "What have the Romans ever done for us?" It's a scene from the 1979 Monty Python movie "Life of Brian." Plotting against their Roman conquerors, rebels in ancient Judea complain of being exploited for generations, and speaking of the Romans ask, "And what have they ever given us in return?"

"The aqueduct?" one follower suggests.

Oh, yeah, they did do that, the rebel leader admits. Then others keep suggesting public improvements until finally their leader puts it this way: "All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"

This is Georgia Cities Week, when we similarly pause to appreciate all city government does for us. Some of the same benefits may be cited.

Included in our municipal-awareness event is an essay contest, "If I Were Mayor," in which local sixth-graders write what they would do as mayor of Columbus.

Today we kick off Georgia Cities Week by appending bold lead-ins to colorful "If I Were Mayor" essay excerpts:

• Relaxing in twill slacks and cotton pullover, Officer J. Peterman shares a laugh with the girls' kickball team. "The police should befriend the students by wearing appropriate casual clothes and 'hanging out' so the kids would be less timid and more inclined to tell police about a problem."

• Free candy with each padded uniform sold. "If I were mayor, I would make children put safety pads everywhere on them while biking, make every child in my city wear uniforms to school, and do my best to make people eat one piece of candy every other day to prevent diabetes if they don't already have them."

• Non-violent persistence. "Non-violence is hard to keep from happening, but if I was mayor I would at least try than not try at all."

• If it ain't broke ... . "Finally, I would stop all these sick crimes, because their starting to become unnecessary now."

• Hypothetically. "This community would not like it if I killed somebody. For example, I killed somebody that the hole community liked."

• Like in a council meeting. "Next, I would have all the malicious people put in a place that they don't like."

• No kidding. "Next, I would stop crime because today crime has gotten overrated."

• Reservations. "As mayor I can only do my best for this ruined society. Next, I would reserve more rights because people need them."

• Obviously. "This community would be a bad community if I weren't mayor."

• And plants. "It's because of animals that we are here today."

• There but for fortune. "If I were mayor I would have no more taxes because if celebrities don't why should we. I mean we're all the same."

• Watch your looks. "Next I would stop violence because people get hurt a lot... . For example, people get beat up for looking funny."

Contact Tim Chitwood at 706-571-8508 or tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com