Monday, Nov. 09, 2009

Bill Mill needs an editor

Here to impart knowledge, help youngsters overcome their fears, also replace the sanitary cakes in the urinals, it’s Monday Mail.

Allusions of grandeur

Today’s intro came from “Not Another Teen Movie,” in which ‘80s heartthrob Mr. T also encourages a fourth-string quarterback to have faith in himself by saying, “You’ve got to get out there, believe in the ball, and throw yourself.”

I love satirical profundity. It’s so much more profound than the real thing.

Gold record

A James Taylor song titled “Golden Moments” says that if all our golden moments could be rolled into one, they would shine just like the sun for a summer day, “with credit to the editor for striking out the rain.”

When first I heard that, I wrote only for a high school paper, but I’ve loved that line ever since.

Speaking of editors, this e-mail’s about some Monday Mail reactions to a story that had the phrase “killed to death” in it:

Tim,

It was quite obvious just from reading the sentence that someone had substituted “killed” for “hacked” and then failed to make the additional corrections to the now revised sentence. Maybe we should just do away with editors and let the reporters/writers rise or fall on their own merits. Assuming there is a place for editors, they should start with this: No one “disappears” or “was last seen” anymore. Rather, everybody “went missing.” What kind of phrase is that? People “went” to the store. People “went” to the ballgame. People don’t “went” missing.

Cheers

Dear Cheers:

True. Down here people don’t went missing. They done gone missing. Or they be missing.

Some be missing ’cause they done somebody wrong. And nothing’s gone bring them back.

Who needs an editor? Kanye West. Joe Biden, Glenn Beck, Columbus Council, Columbus Council’s public agenda, the Muscogee County School District, tea parties, the Nobel Peace Prize committee, Rush Limbaugh, the balloon boy’s family, “reality” TV stars, pretty much everyone on celebrity TV shows such as TMZ and ET, TV anchors who get too chipper and chatty, especially those morning people on The Weather Channel, and me.

Here’s my lead paragraph in an Oct. 30 report on the anniversary of the Bibb Mill fire: “Columbus’ Bill Mill still burns today — on YouTube, where the quarter-mile-long brick behemoth that burned one year ago yet blazes away in videos posted by people who caught the fire on cell phones or video cameras.”

First I want to apologize to Bill Mill, and second say I hope he’s doing OK, today. And then I would have to say that yes, we do need editors.

If you don’t believe me, ask the ones I work for.

Tim Chitwood, tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com or 706-571-8508