Charles Manson can rent a car easier than I can, and we know O.J. can.

Neither Manson nor O.J. was at the Columbus Metropolitan Airport last week when my adventure in car rental land began. I was alone with my debit card.

Reservations were made on the Internet, and I came to the counter expecting a car of standard size to be waiting.

Things moved smoothly until I told the rep that I had no major credit card — not even a minor one. I had a debit card, and I had money in the bank.

Wouldn’t that be enough?

Not in today’s world, it isn’t.

As you learn from signs posted at the counter, the ability to rent a car goes beyond your good looks. If you leave home without a credit card, you’re out of luck.

Later, I read the policies on the company’s Web site, and it got more confusing. You can use a debit card if you have a round-trip ticket, or you can use one when you’re paying at the end of your rental.

You should see the regulations for people wanting to pay cash. They must pay in advance and then put down a $300 deposit.

If that isn’t enough, the company requires cash customers to have two utility bills, proof of employment and probably a willingness to leave their first-born child with the rental agent.

I know these things now, but, at the counter, I only knew my blood pressure was rising when the clerk said I needed two bills from utility companies.

Sure, I carry them with me at all times.

My daughter had dropped me off, and she was gone. I called, and she returned, taking me to my house for those two bills.

Bills in hand, we returned to the airport. We started the process over, and, once more, I pulled my debit card out of my wallet — accompanied by those two bills.

“But the address on the bills don’t match the one on your driver’s license,” the rep said.

“I told you they wouldn’t,” I said. “We just moved a couple of weeks ago.”

“But my supervisor said that by law you should have gotten a new driver’s license immediately,” he said.

It would have done no good to explain that my birthday is next week, and I saw no need to make a change until I had crumbs from my birthday cake on my shirt.

Now he tells me I need a copy of my lease.

“What about my blood type? Or maybe a copy of my birth certificate?”

Humor was lost on him, so I called home and asked my wife to come to the airport and bring our lease.

She arrived. Now we had a debit card, two utility bills, a driver’s license and a lease contract. Surely that would be enough for a grown man who isn’t a felon to rent a car.

It was. But by now, our 4:30 p.m. departure had turned into 6:30 p.m. My nerves were on edge, but we had a car that even included a smart key.

Too bad the key was smarter than the policies I encountered.

Richard Hyatt is also found at www.richardhyattcolumbus.com