Sunday, Nov. 01, 2009

Kids watching too much TV? Duh!

A new study shows that kids now watch, on average, more than a day of television every week.

The report by Nielsen has led to an outcry from pediatricians and other experts on kids who say that kids watch too much television. Several rushed to the nearest TV camera to voice their displeasure.

When was the last time a pediatrician or expert on kids came out and said, “You know, our kids just aren’t watching enough television?” And, if one ever did, is he related to that 10th dentist who recommends sugary gum for his patients who chew gum?

I read about the Nielsen study in the Los Angeles Times. How that keeps getting thrown on my porch in Ellaville, I have no idea, but if it’s a kid on a bicycle, he’s got to be in better shape than those obese kids camped out in front of a TV.

The study said that kids ages 2-5 are watching more than 32 hours of television per week, while kids ages 6-11 are watching more than 28 hours per week. And kids ages 12-84 are watching extremely stupid reality shows such as “The Amazing Dancing Idol Bachelor Brother” in those hours after they wrestle the remote control from their 200-pound kindergartners.

Of course, not all TV watching is harmful, unless you sit really close and get radiation poisoning and cross-eyed. For instance, when my son was little, “Barney” was a fantastic sleep aid. Granted, I had no idea what Saylor was doing while I was asleep, but when I woke up — sometimes days later — the subliminal messages had sunk into my head. And I now know that “please” and “thank you” are the magic words. Until then I’d always thought the magic words were “Shirley spotted a squirrel.”

However, most TV is harmful for children. They should be using their imaginations and playing outside with their toy AK-47s and splashing around in puddles of acid rain. Experts also suggest reading to kids instead of letting them watch TV. Indeed. A couple of nights ago, I sat Saylor down and read the entire TV Guide.

I didn’t spend a lot of time in front of the TV as a child and look how well I turned out. I’d go outside and use my imagination. I’d climb in my treehouse and imagine that it had a really big TV in it.

Besides, TV for kids was relegated to Saturday mornings back then. I’d plop down in my jammies in front of “Scooby-Doo” and enjoy a healthy breakfast of marshmallows picked out of my Lucky Charms while hoping that Daphne would have to bend over in that little skirt to pick up a clue. OK, that was actually last Tuesday, but I made my point.

Now, kids can watch TV 24 hours a day on 47 channels. And the actors on kids’ shows are cuter than back then. If I were a kid or Roman Polanski, I’d watch Disney stars Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus all day, too.

Then again, Hannah Montana ain’t no Daphne.

Chris Johnson, whose column runs on Sundays, can be reached at 706-320-4403.