The National Football League’s owners have been talking about a new collective bargaining agreement since 2008 and were in federal mediation for 17 days, but finally came to what amounts in boxing as a “no decision.”

Fans may end up watching something else during the fall when football is normally being played because of the absence of a new CBA. There is only one way I believe the matter could be settled in 30 minutes or less — refer the case to Judge Judy.

If Judge Judy were brought in to mediate, it might go something like this: You are now entering the court of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The cases are real. The participants are real. And the rulings are final.

Bailiff Petri Hawkins-Byrd: Your honor this is case No. 2011 on the calendar in the matter of Goodell vs. Smith. Judge, the parties have been sworn in, ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.

Judge Judy: Mr. Goodell, I have read your complaint. Mr. Smith, I have also read your cross-complaint. Mr. Goodell, you are accusing the National Football League Players Association, now known as the NFL players trade association, of not collectively bargaining in good faith and claim their decertification is a sham.

Mr. Smith, your counterclaim contends it is the NFL owners who are not negotiating in good faith and are attempting to line their pockets without proper compensation to the players. Furthermore, Mr. Smith, your counterclaim says the owners are asking for more from the players without paying for it. Is this true?

Goodell: Yes, your honor.

Smith: Yes, your honor.

Judge Judy: Mr. Goodell, as the complaintant, let me ask you a few questions first. First, you represent the owners, correct?

Goodell: Yes, your honor.

Judge Judy: And how many of your owners were present at the negotiations?

Goodell: Well, your honor … we had some owners …

Judge Judy: STOP! It was a simple question … how many attended the mediation?

Goodell: Four or five, your honor.

Judge Judy: And, were you able to speak for the owners as far as making decisions on their behalf?

Goodell: Well, your honor …

Judge Judy: STOP! Look at me. Don’t be looking around the room … look right up here. God gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason … so, put your listening ears on and answer my question.

Goodell: No, your honor. I couldn’t.

Judge Judy: Then WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE? How can you claim the other side is not negotiating when you don’t have the authority to make a decision? So, what you want me to believe is although YOU can’t make a decision for your group, the other side wasn’t trying hard enough? Is that what you want me to believe?

Goodell: Well, your honor …

Judge Judy: Shhhh!

Judge Judy: Mr. Smith, did you have the authority to make decisions for the players? Smith: Yes, your honor.

Judge Judy: And why do you say the owners, and I say that loosely because very few of them were there and their representative didn’t have the authority to make a decision, were not bargaining in good faith?

Smith: Your honor, the owners opted out of the collective bargaining agreement in 2008. They also set up the television contracts that would benefit them in the event a new CBA couldn’t be reached. They want more money off the top and want us to play two extra games without any additional compensation.

Judge Judy: Mr. Smith, who is this witness you brought?

Smith: Judge, this is Adrian Peterson.

Judge Judy: (Motioning for Peterson to stand and move to the microphone) Mr. Peterson, why are you here?

Peterson: Your honor, I am here to say this is nothing more than modern-day slavery. Judge Judy: And how much were you scheduled to make this year?

Peterson: About $10 million.

Judge Judy: SIT DOWN. You are ridiculous. You really need a history lesson. Do you think slaves could have walked away? Do you think they were even paid? You are ridiculous, young man, this is nothing like slavery. Mr. Goodell, how much money are you asking the players to give back?

Goodell: $1 billion dollars your honor.

Judge Judy: And, can you justify wanting this extra money?

Goodell: Yes, your honor. We have financial information available, along with projections and have already given it to Mr. Smith.

Smith: Your honor …

Judge Judy: Shhh! You had your turn to speak, Mr. Smith. Mr. Goodell, I don’t want projections. I was projected to be 5 (foot) 4 (inches) and we see how that went. Let me see your end-of-year balance sheets for the last five years for all 32 teams … you know, the ones every business is required to have.

Goodell: Here, your honor.

Judge Judy: What is this? This isn’t a balance sheet. How do you expect me, or anyone else, to go off this type of financial garbage? Do you think I’m stupid? Well, I’m not. I know a smooth talker when I see one.

Goodell: Well, your honor …

Judge Judy: This garbage is nothing but a bunch of numbers not even relevant to why you are asking for more money off the top. What do you think I am? An idiot? Let me tell you something, I am smarter than you … and if you think I or the fans are idiots … then you are an idiot. (Turning to the bailiff) Do I look like an idiot?

Petri Hawkins-Byrd: No, your honor.

Judge Judy: I didn’t think so.

Smith: Your honor …

Judge Judy: I said, SHHH. Both of you, LISTEN! What is wrong with you people? You are acting like children fighting over a swing on the playground.

Act like adults. GROW UP!

If you’re not careful you’re going to kill the goose who laid the golden egg. So, what do you want from me?

Do you think my court has time to referee over adults who are acting like kids? Maybe I shouldn’t expect too much from adults playing a kids game. You keep squabbling and no one is going to want to pay hard-earned money to see you play.

GROW UP!

Gentlemen, and I am using the term very loosely, I am dismissing both of your claims. Take this back to whatever court will hear you, and I suggest you get your ducks in a row, because you are about to kill the goose.