Nothing good comes from a decision to drink a margarita out of a football.

Mind you, this advice applies even if your alcoholic beverage isn’t served from a germ-infested game day accessory.

Let’s say you opt for a seemingly harmless plastic football filled with a seemingly harmless frozen concoction while sitting beside a pool.

And let’s say -- hypothetically, of course -- that three sips into the drink, you somehow end up tearfully explaining the perils of love to your patient boyfriend.

Not like I’m speaking from firsthand experience or anything.

Today is Cinco de Mayo. Margaritas will inevitably reign supreme in the nightlife world tonight, and “frozen or on the rocks?” will temporarily replace more complex pickup lines.

Sounds like a party, right?

Well, to some extent. Margaritas rank pretty highly on my list of the bar scene’s double-edged swords.

On one hand, they boast an aesthetic value that’s much more alluring than your typical dusty beer bottle.

Also, the popular drinks offer an incredible amount of room for personalization.

You’re faced with life-altering questions involving flavors, consistency and, of course, the always divisive rim salt.

At the same time, let’s not forget the wrath of the poorly mixed margarita.

If you’re lucky, you’ve avoided the unrivaled stomach pain that comes with naively indulging in a saccharine beverage accented by a cute umbrella.

Sometimes, the unpleasant sensation doesn’t reflect a bartender’s ineptitude, but rather the fact that your digestive system has outgrown spring break’s dietary guidelines. Sorry, but you’re getting old.

I recently heard someone say that everyone has a tequila story. Mine involves a margarita served in a football.

I can’t believe you thought I was making that whole thing up.

The football ordeal was our relationship’s first tequila test -- you know, the night when you unexpectedly end up blubbering about abstract emotions that get lost in translation amid blaring bar music.

I was initially convinced that the infamous football incident destroyed my relationship.

Needless to say, I survived -- and got a column idea from the experience.

Maybe your newest romance will have its first tequila test tonight.

My best advice? Pace yourself, control your emotions and stick with plastic cups.

Sonya Sorich, reporter, can be reached at 706-571-8516.