Pick of the day

Did you hear about the new Osama Bin Laden drink? It’s two shots with a splash.

Didn’t bother

How can anyone have expected Michael Curry to testify in his own behalf when he couldn’t make a single call to inquire about the status of the case for 25 years?

Highest honors

All of the American soldiers involved in the killing of Osama bin Laden should be getting the Medal of Honor as soon as possible.

Tedious task

I’d like to thank the power company for the interruptions. I had nothing to do today, so I’ll spend the rest of my day resetting everything in the house.

Where credit is due

Thank you, George W. Bush, for getting all the wheels in motion that led up to the death of Osama bin Laden.

It’s our problem, too

I’m sure the public works department will reimburse the Mayor for any of her demolished trash cans, but how about mine?

What’s next on gripe list?

Osama bin Laden killed, 250,000 new jobs in April, oil prices headed down, birth certificate revealed. What’s your new ploy, disgruntled Republicans?

It’s not light reading

The Bible tells us what we need to know, not what we’d like to know.

Didn’t need a banner

Thank you, Mr. President, for a real “mission accomplished.” It wasn’t counterfeit like the other one.

One minor detail:

There are numerous ads on TV urging customers to “come see us,” but they omit one critical bit of information … their address.

Giving away our secrets

Terrorists won’t be training on monkey bars anymore, now that we’ve provided “how to train like a SEAL” videos. Soon, they’ll be better at killing us, but harder for us to find and kill.

Vice president precedent

Since bin Laden got shot in the face, his code name should have been “Cheney.”

Run that by us again

Feds: The illegal alien at Kennesaw State gets to finish school, and then we deport her. So how’s she going to “work for a year before applying to law school”?

R.I.P.

Bin Laden, rest in pieces.