Columbus is moving forward, and I know how to bolster our national exposure.
I’ve picked a perfect time to unveil my suggestion. We’re riding high on the buzz surrounding a local whitewater rafting project that organizers say will bring tourism dollars to our city.
As if that wasn’t enough, some people recently tossed around the idea of having casinos in Columbus.
We’re focusing on the right direction: showing the rest of the nation our city’s appeal. With the groundwork intact, it’s time to advocate the next step.
“Real Housewives of Columbus” needs to happen.
Hey, it’s not like Georgia is unfamiliar with the Bravo reality TV franchise. “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” begins its fourth season at 9 p.m. Sunday. Atlanta is the highest-rated city in the franchise, according to Bravo.
Geographically, we’re not too far away from success. Why should we let Atlanta steal our potential reality TV thunder? If you back my proposal, I’ll lead the “The Real Housewives of Columbus” exploratory committee.
For starters, we’ll need cooperation from local charitable organizations. You’ll have to throw a variety of benefit events -- preferably three to four a season -- where one cast member will say something that vaguely offends the rest of the group.
Local restaurants are central to my campaign, too. Dining establishments will serve as the backdrop for many conversations that will over-analyze interactions that happen at the aforementioned benefit events.
On a side note, I should warn local chefs that participating in “Real Housewives of Columbus” does not mean cast members will actually eat your food.
They will order entrees, but forgo eating in the name of discussing meaningless drama. A Columbus Housewife might also abandon her full plate if a lunch argument causes her to announce she’s “so done with this.”
Finally, I’ll need a strong cast of women. Interested? You can’t be adverse to drinking white wine at 10 a.m., or uttering phrases like “good energy.” You must be open to a career as a recording artist. Can’t sing? Congratulations, your chances of being selected as a cast member just improved.
If selected, you’ll have to clear time for at least one mandatory vacation with other cast members. Take note, applicants: an ability to argue over closet hanger placement is a serious plus.
On behalf of my future exploratory committee, I’ll emphasize my optimism about this exciting reality TV venture.
Go ahead, pursue your whitewater project and casinos. I’ll stick with “The Real Housewives of Columbus” -- because when it comes to putting a city on the map, nothing works as well as inconsequential drama.
