Shall I compare thee to a quickie behind the Lewis Jones? Thou art more indecent and more unclothed.

Like that? I actually stole it from a recent Columbus police report.

It's all true. According to the report, an officer responded to a report of a car parked behind the 13th Street grocery store about 1 a.m. Wednesday. The officer got there and spotted a 2012 Honda Accord parked behind the building.

The car's lights were off, and the officer approached the vehicle. He looked inside and saw a 23-year-old man and a 22-year-old woman in the passenger seat, um, making the beast with two backs.

Well, what would you do in that situation? I'll tell ya what the officer did: he knocks on the car's window, has the couple get dressed and get out of the car. He charges both of them with public indecency, a misdemeanor, and gives them a summons to appear in court at a later date.

The officer then advised both of them to go home.

Let that be a warning to all you would-be sonnet writers who woo women behind grocery stores.