Falcons fans, we’ve been dissed again. For the first four decades of the team’s existence, the one thing we could take pride in was how comically bad the Falcons have been. No other NFL franchise can boast that it whiffed a kickoff in its very first game.
But the NFL Network has just produced a new feature, “Top 10 Snakebit Franchises.” Nowhere on the list are the Falcons.
That’s right, a franchise that’s been more snakebitten than Rikki Tikki Tavi failed to make the NFL’s list for ineptitude. The countdown began with the Buffalo Bills -- uh, that would be the four-time AFC champion Bills -- and steadily loses credibility as it become evident that the Falcons had been stiffed.
No. 9, Kansas City Chiefs … No. 8, New York Jets … No.7, Detroit Lions … No. 6, New Orleans Saints …
This is where I fully expected the Falcons to fall. They should almost be bracketed with the Aints, the tie-breaker being that the Saints won their lone Super Bowl appearance. But no, the countdown continued with no mention of the only team in NFL history to lose it franchise quarterback to prison.
No. 5, Houston Oilers … No. 4, Cincinnati Bengals … No. 3, Philadelphia Eagles … No. 2, Minnesota Vikings.
And that’s when you knew the Falcons failed to make the cut. Because any list of NFL futility and just plain bad luck must begin at the top with (thumb-drum roll) … the Cleveland Browns.
To their credit, they did get that part right.
So what do they mean by “snakebit?” Here are a couple of online definitions of the term:
“Having or experiencing failure or bad luck.”
“Experiencing a period of misfortune or inability to succeed.”
So the ONLY franchise in NFL history to go 44 years until it finally recorded consecutive winning seasons failed to meet that definition of inability to succeed?
Their winning percentage of .429 ranks 29th out of the 32 NFL teams since 1945, just ahead of the Cardinals (.429) and comfortably in front of the Texans (.406) and Bucanneers (.395).
The inclusion of the Bills and Vikings (four Super Bowl losses each) indicates that the criteria is more about horrifically unlucky than just being horrific. Fair enough. But what about the Jets and Chiefs, which have both won Super Bowls, although each came within six months of Neil Armstrong’s first moon walk.
Besides, the Falcons -- in addition to just being bad -- also had their share of rotten luck.
1974 strike. The Falcons went 9-5 the year before, by far their best season out of their first eight. They were a team on the rise. But the strike left the locker room fractured, resulting in head coach Norm Van Brocklin getting fired in midseason.
Steve Bartkowski’s knee injuries. Even on fragile knees, Bart enjoyed a stretch of success that lifted the Falcons to the playoffs three times. But of those times came in 1980. The Falcons had knocked Dallas Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach out of the game and were leading in the fourth quarter. But Danny White led Dallas to a 30-27 victory to reach the NFC Championship Game.
1981-82: They started each season with promise -- 3-0 in ’81 before injuries hit, 5-2 in ’82 before … another strike.
1984 preseason: William Andrews, the heart and soul of the Falcons’ offense, tore up his knee on a morning jog-through practice.
The Jerry Glanville/June Jones years: Trading Brett Favre without ever giving him a chance should be enough to make the list. But no one knew the Favre would become one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. Trading FOR Jeff George, now that was calculated stupidity.
Top that, Lions.
Oh, so you want plain, rotten luck? Fast-forward to the late ’90s. Dan Reeves led them to the Super Bowl in just his second season. The team was a cast of cast-offs, from Reeves to a band of aging vets -- quarterback Chris Chandler, receiver Terrance Mathis, linebacker Cornelius Bennett, cornerback Ray Buchanan and safety Eugene Robinson -- and a little known running back from Utah, Jamal Anderson.
This improbable bunch has become unified in their resolve to prove doubters wrong. Robinson was the team’s spiritual and emotional leader. He was their unofficial chaplain. Around midnight on the eve of the Super Bowl against Denver, news broke that Robinson had been arrested for soliciting a prostitute.
Top that, Bengals.
The snake of calamity would strike again. Anderson, much like Andrews, had his career cut short by a devastating knee injury. Enter the Michael Vick era. Reeves gambled everything on trading up with San Diego to draft Vick as his franchise quarterback. Vick did lead the Falcons to the playoffs -- and an upset of Green Bay at Lambeau Field -- in his first season as the starter. But before his second season, Vick suffered a broken leg in a preseason game.
The only good to come out of that was it prompted them to drafted another quarterback, Matt Schaub. No, he wasn’t Vick. But it was clear that the kid could play.
So with Vick healthy again and established, the Falcons traded Schaub to Houston. One month later, Vick was arrested on dog-fighting charges and would never play for the Falcons again. Schaub has been a cornerstone player in the Texans’ emergence as a top AFC contender.
Top that, Bills.
-- Guerry Clegg is an independent correspondent. You can write to him at sports@ledger-enquirer.com
