Let thy congregation escape tribulation: It's Monday Mail.
Life of pie
This voice mail's about last week's Monday Mail warning to get your garbage out before Columbus' annual four days of Thanksgiving gluttony:
This is Matthew Floyd Just wanted to tell you that Thanksgiving is not a day of gluttony. Thanksgiving is the day that we remember that the pilgrims came across from England to a new land. Oh by the way the first thing they did after unloading the boat, was to pray and thank God that they made it, and then they drew up a charter, and all those that were in leadership signed that charter that they would pledge their lives to serving God, and then they erected a cross that the atheists have been trying to take down ever since. And then they had a big celebration afterwards.
So I just wanted to tell you that is what Thanksgiving is all about. It's not a four-day gluttony, and it has nothing to do with after-Thanksgiving sales at Target or at Kohl's. So please remember that in the future.
Oh by the way, Monday afternoon, we had a unity service, five churches, and two of them were Jewish synagogues. We had it at Allen AME Church, pastors and rabbis from all faiths, and we were thanking God and we were all in one accord. So please remember that is what Thanksgiving is all about. And don't call it a day of gluttony. It's a day of giving thanks. Please put a retraction in your newspaper. Thank you.
Atheists have been trying to take the pilgrims' cross down since 1621? Where did the atheists come from? Were they already here?
If we let you insist we commemorate only some later New England event instead of America's first Thanksgiving at Jamestown in 1610, then next you'll say we can't mark Saturnalia at Christmas.
Relish the moment
This is from Stanley:
My favorite meal of the week is lunch at Minnie's on Fridays. Before I ... pick up my food, I take a slice of tomato and cut it up into small bits, and place it in a saucer. Then I sprinkle Heinz Gourmet Salad Vinegar over it, and let it marinate.... This will take the place of salt.... The line is always long at that time, but it moves fast... I always get rice, cream corn, field peas and collards, and a cornbread muffin, to go. Mmmmmm! Then when I get home, I take the tomato and vinegar and pour it over the field peas. I also put some of the tomato bits in the creamed corn. If you never tried that, then I highly recommend that you do. It will make your tongue spank your brains.
In my view your meal lacks a healthy balance of potatoes and gravy.
Tim Chitwood, email@example.com, 706-571-8508.