Chattahoochee Chatter: Free fun and wacky phone calls

January 30, 2013 

Even if you're a soldier in training at Fort Benning, you can still get a good seat for Sunday's Super Bowl between the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers.

The 194th Armored Brigade has teamed up with the Directorate of Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation to provide a 70-foot megatron screen on Brave Rifles Field at Harmony Church. The big screen is available to all soldiers in training at the Maneuver Center of Excellence.

The fun starts at 5 p.m. Sunday. Food and drink vendors will be available.

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Here at the L-E, making what we call "cop calls" is one of those mostly monotonous but always necessary daily tasks we do in our effort to inform you about your community. Especially when we call the outlying jurisdictions, where it's harder to check public records, we rely on the graciousness of officials who answer the phone to tell us whether any news has broken out. Those calls usually produce a bunch of "no, sir" or "no, ma'am" replies.

Then there are the replies that shatter the monotony. They basically are creative ways to say "no," so they don't amount to news, but they sure are good fodder for Chatter -- such as:

The careful person in the Troup County Sheriff's Office: "No, sir, nothing that we've been advised of."

The pessimistic person in the Alabama State Trooper's Office of Opelika: "No, not yet."

The sarcastic person in the Chattahoochee County Sheriff's Office: "There ain't nothing ever going on in this town, Sweetie."

And the person in the Sumter County Sheriff's Office who clearly has a different definition of a daily newspaper and 24/7 website and said this on a Monday: "You'll have to contact Melinda on Wednesday."

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For some of us, waking up early on a weekend could create a crime.

Some people woke up earlier than expected Sunday, thanks to a phone call from Max Fitness. What happened? On its Facebook page, Columbus' Max Fitness Elite posted, "We are so very sorry to everyone who received the phone call this morning. We would never schedule a phone call to go out at 6 a.m. It was supposed to be 6 p.m. It was an honest mistake."

The gym added, "We have made the decision to never do another recorded call again to prevent this mistake from ever happening in the future."

Hey, at least 6 a.m. is a good time for a run.

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One more to close it out …

The Harris County High School shotgun team, partnering with the Chamber of Commerce, is selling raffle tickets from January to May for a spring fundraiser.

The grand prize?

Thirty guns in 30 days with 30 chances to win the gun raffle.

While we at the L-E don't judge, we do hope these winning tickets -- that are $30 each -- are sold to law-abiding citizens. If not, when we make our "cop calls," things could get more interesting!

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