The other day, a New York City advertising agency sent me and a whole lot of other people an email pitching an exciting product that would be just perfect for football season.
It's something called -- let's see if I can get this right -- beer.
"Fall," it went, "is the perfect time for people across the country to crack open a cold one, whether it be at a tailgate, bar or the comfort of one's own home."
Wait a minute, let me write that down.
A tailgate? Like on a vehicle? In a parking lot? Like of a football stadium?
A bar? Now that kind of makes sense.
But the comfort of one's own home? Whoa, that's a new one! Would the couch work? Hey, I bet a recliner would be even better!
OK, beer really doesn't need any marketing help. Sure, individual beer brands rely on advertising to compete with other beer brands. But nobody needs to sell the idea of a man drinking beer while he watches football.
I tell you what does need some marketing help: Fruits and vegetables.
There's no shortage of folks working on this, though I'm not sure they're the right folks.
More than a decade ago, the National Potato Promotion Board created the slogan "Potatoes We're here to help." I thought that was a winner. I mean, the potato is humble and useful, but no slouch when you slap on some butter and sour cream.
Somehow, though, it didn't stick. Now the potato people are back with "Power up with Idaho Potatoes," and even a newsletter called Tater Talk.
The North American Blueberry Council has taken to calling its product "Little Blue Dynamos." As in, "Hey! We could put some little blue dynamos in that empty pie shell!"
And the Florida Tomato Exchange is suggesting that you "Slice into some Sunshine."
There's also the National Dry Bean Council, the National Onion Association, the National Watermelon Association and the American Mushroom Institute.
Atlanta is home of the Concord Grape Association, while you'll find the Leafy Greens Council in Minnesota and the Cranberry Institute in Massachusetts.
And don't forget the Washington State Apple Commission, the New Jersey Asparagus Industry Council and the Michigan Association of Cherry Producers.
At the moment, all of these groups are pretty short on ideas.
You'd think California would have it going on, what with the California Apricot Advisory Board, the California Fig Advisory Board, the California Strawberry Advisory Board, the California Raisin Advisory Board and of course the California Cling Peach Advisory Board.
And don't forget the California Prune Board and the California Melon Research Board, as well as the California Avocado Commission, the California Kiwifruit Commission, the California Table Grape Commission and the California Iceberg Lettuce Commission.
But the best the Golden State could do was the California Artichoke Board with "Life is short. Stop and eat the artichokes."
We'll think about it, maybe after we turn on the ballgame and -- what was it?
Oh yeah, crack open a cold one.
Contact Dimon Kendrick-Holmes, executive editor, at firstname.lastname@example.org