Chris Johnson: I think DVR is my new BFF

October 20, 2013 

When a friend offered me a few free tickets to see Mercer University play football last Saturday, I was faced with a dilemma.

On one hand, I'm glad to see Mercer fielding a football team for the first time since 1941. It's great to see more college football teams in the Peach State -- especially when it's a team like Mercer with such a rich history. In fact, they played the first-ever college football game in Georgia back in 1892. The Mercer Bears lost that game 50-0.

The team they lost to that day back in 1892 -- the University of Georgia -- presented the other part of my dilemma. My Bulldogs were set to host Missouri in a game that likely would have been an easy win before the Dawgs suffered an onslaught of injuries to everyone from the starters at tailback and wide receiver to the punter and water boy.

Both games were set to kick off at noon, and the injury-ridden Dawgs desperately needed my assistance -- something I could provide by screaming helpful advice through my TV: "Catch the dang ball!" Mercer was not going to need any help against visiting Valparaiso.

Then a brilliant thought occurred to me, and that's easy for me to notice during those rare quiet moments in my head that occur between my humming "Margaritaville" or wondering if a tree falls on a bear in the woods doing his business, does Geico make a commercial about it?

My brilliant thought was that I could DVR the Georgia game and view it after watching the Mercer game in person. That's exactly what I did.

Of course, I DVR a couple of TV shows already -- "American Horror Story" and "The Walking Dead." I especially have to keep up with the latter because last week one of the main characters whipped out a map and pinpointed her next destination for fleeing zombies as Macon County, Georgia, where I grew up. Having grown up there, I feel like I should call Michonne and warn her that if she thought being around all those

zombies was scary, just wait until you get to Macon County!

But I'd never DVR'd a sports event until then because I fear I'll hear the outcome of the game before I get home, and I don't want to watch a game for which I already know the outcome.

So my wife and I, along with my stepson and his girlfriend, were on total communication lockdown for four hours. Phones off. No Facebook or Twitter. No looking at any TVs anywhere that might scroll a score across the bottom. And if we saw anyone wearing Georgia gear, we had to cover our ears and run like the wind.

Unfortunately, we stopped at a Burger King on the way home -- darn you, free Satisfries! Weekend -- and I noticed a customer wearing a UGA shirt. He hardly seemed giddy. I hoped it was because he wished he'd gone to McDonald's instead.

"Don't look!" I yelled at my wife as we fled the restaurant. "He's wearing a Georgia shirt!"

I was hardly giddy myself after watching the Georgia game, but I didn't expect much better when they had to recruit kids from the Math Team to start at wide receiver. Missouri whipped us. But I did discover that being able to fast-forward through commercials, timeouts and halftime meant it wasn't nearly as painful as when I spend more than three hours yelling some of my best criticism at the television.

If DVR can make a Bulldogs loss less painful, I can only imagine how wonderful it would be if I could DVR and fast-forward other parts of my life -- funerals, traffic jams and every conference call I've ever been on.

They should make an Adam Sandler movie about that.

And I guarantee that when Michonne gets to Macon County, she'll be wishing she could fast-forward her way around tractors, slow pickup trucks and maybe even the occasional cow in the road.

-- Connect with Chris Johnson at Facebook.com/KudzuKidWriting or kudzukid88@gmail.com.

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