Tim Chitwood: Munchkins barred from cockfights

March 16, 2014 

Green

It's St. Patrick's Day here in Columbus, which is not Savannah, so don't expect any parades downtown. Expect people driving as slowly as they would in a parade, but not a parade.

Don't forget that the moment we've long awaited this polar-vortex winter, the vernal equinox or arrival of spring, will be 12:57 p.m. Thursday.

Patty oh

Speaking of patio furniture, here's a fresh neighborhood watch alert from the folks out in Midland:

From a Neighbor:

Front porch patio furniture consisting of two black iron chairs and one black iron glider (seat for two) were stolen between 8:30 p.m. Friday night and early this morning from a home at the front of the Sable Oaks subdivision on Sable Oaks Drive.....

If you have any surveillance cameras and can check for this time period that would be greatly appreciated.

Dear neighbor:

I don't have any surveillance cameras, but I'm thinking of getting some, just to see if anyone's sneaking around my cubicle when I leave the office.

Here's my favorite furniture-theft story:

A guy moved down to Broadway and set some rocking chairs out on the front porch, where they soon vanished.

A neighbor asked how he liked living there, and he said it was OK, except someone stole the rocking chairs off his front porch.

Alarmed, the neighbor asked wide-eyed: "You mean they cut the chain?"

Crock fighting

Here's yet another fresh crime news alert:

George L. Beck Jr., U.S. Attorney for the Middle District of Alabama, and the Humane Society of the United States are raising public awareness of the newly enacted federal animal fighting law. …

Since 2008, it has been a federal felony to sponsor, exhibit, buy, sell, deliver, possess, train or transport an animal for ... an animal fighting venture. This crime is punishable by ... imprisonment of five years and a fine of $250,000.

The newly enacted Animal Fighting Spectator Prohibition Act, which was included in the final 2014 Farm Bill, makes it a federal felony to knowingly bring a minor under the age of 16 to a dogfight or cockfight, punishable by up to three years in prison and a $250,000 fine, and a federal misdemeanor to knowingly attend a fight as a spectator, punishable by up to one year in prison and a $100,000 fine. …

Dear George:

So, no children should be allowed in our political forums this election year.

Watching two clueless animals go at each other's throat could warp their innocent little minds.

Tim Chitwood, tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com, 706-571-8508.

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