Chris Johnson: Here comes the sun, doo-do-doo-doo

March 17, 2014 

This is my favorite time of the year. No, not the beginning of baseball, tax season or Saint Patrick's Day. I mean time in a literal sense -- as in Daylight Saving Time.

As everyone knows, Daylight Saving Time was started in Vienna, Georgia, in 1895 so that farmers would have more time to play baseball after milking their horses in the late afternoon. It started a trend that took America by storm faster than a false Facebook meme.

Ever since then, we've been jumping back and forth between Daylight Saving and Dark Saving times, either gaining or losing an hour -- 45 minutes of which is spent trying to remember how to set the clock on your vehicle's radio. I've yet to figure it out, but I hit so many unrelated buttons that my truck now only picks up radio stations from Nicaragua. Do you know how hard it is to call up Managua's Hot Hits 105.9 and request Jimmy Buffett's "Margaritaville" when you can't speak Spanish? Dang this time change!

Actually, don't dang it -- unless you already have, in which case you should un-dang it. While the time change causes some problems, ultimately I like having more time in the sun. I abhor coming home from work in the winter just in time for it to get dark.

In fact, I don't think they take Daylight Saving Time nearly far enough. Rather than simply changing the time, I believe Congress should require that there should be a minimum of 18 hours of sunshine every day, even if that requires us going to 30-hour days. But you know how hard it is to get Congress to do anything these days. I tried telling them my name was Chris Koch, but they didn't buy it.

As I've explained before, I'm pretty sure I suffer from SAD, also known as Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder or Slap A Dentist. Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder simply means that you're not getting enough sunshine on your shoulders to make you happy, and that makes you angry to the point that you will Slap A Dentist, which I'm not advocating but am merely pointing out

as a possibility when you don't have enough sun in your life and some dude starts poking your gums with sharp objects.

In addition to boosting your mood and protecting dentists, exposure to the sun has other health benefits as the sun is an excellent source of Vitamin D, sunburn and solar flares.

Of course, you can get too much sun. The average person needs a few minutes of sun each day to get an adequate supply of Vitamin D. The darker your skin pigment, the more time you need. As for me, I'm so white that I all I have to do is merely think about the sun and I'll get not only an adequate supply of Vitamin D but also a sunburn on my brain.

There are many more reasons I support the sun. It makes a better atmosphere for drinking margaritas. It makes solar power way more effective. And it keeps our planet from hurtling into outer space. Unless your name is Edwin Moses, you don't want to do any hurtling.

So, I stand firmly in support of Daylight Saving Time. However, I do have a request for the next time we spring forward: From now on, instead of springing forward at 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning, causing me to lose an hour of sleep, let's spring forward at 4 p.m. on a Friday and cut out of work a little early.

-- Connect with Chris Johnson at Facebook.com/KudzuKidWriting.

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