Tim Chitwood: Wearing guns could be a Georgia trend

tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.comMarch 31, 2014 

Hot damn: Soon I can take my gun almost anywhere.

This should work out well for me, under Georgia law, which as amended by the General Assembly will let us take guns to church and into bars and pretty much anywhere else we might need one.

That sounds good to me, because I’ve got a classic Smith & Wesson revolver with a shoulder holster, and that can really boost your gravitas. If ever I wear a coat again, it can hide the gun until I peel one side of it away to show the butt of that revolver.

So the next time I meet someone who says, “I don’t agree with everything you write,” I’ll just pull the coat aside and say, “And?”

I especially like the idea of guns in church, because it’s a great place to show them off. You can conceal lots of weaponry under a suit, so when they pass around the collection plate, you can make a big show of whipping these firearms out and setting them on the pew as you try to find your wallet.

Also I can imagine a member of the choir asking: “Can I cut a hole in my robe so my rifle barrel doesn’t form a tent on my shoulder? It makes me look like I’ve got two heads and one’s a Klansman.”

Critics of the gun bill zeroed in on its allowing guns in bars, as people tend to get drunk in bars and shoot each other.

I assumed guns already were allowed in bars because people here keep shooting them up before the city shuts them down.

If everyone in a bar has a gun when someone starts shooting, then everyone can shoot back instead of dropping to the floor and crawling for the door. You know what they say: The only thing that stops bad guys firing randomly in bars are good guys firing randomly back.

But to me such issues pale compared to the benefits of guns as fashion accessories, once the law allows you to show them off.

I was never one for stuffing a pistol down the front of my pants. That might impress a drunk woman in a bar, but you’d better have the safety on if she wants to touch it, else she may emasculate you long before you’re married.

I don’t go to bars, now that I’m married, but I’m psyched about wearing the revolver, because I am learning to ride horses, and you know where one’s personal style goes from there: West, where folks wear cowboy boots, hats, jeans and dusters.

I won’t add spurs, because they can snag a duster. Thirty years ago I briefly fancied cowboy boots and a duster, and discovered the heel of your boot can pin the tail of your duster, causing you to slam backward onto the ground.

That can cause serious injury, especially if you’re wearing a gun.

Keep that in mind, next time you wear a gun to church, or to a cowboy bar, steeplechase or Chamber of Commerce western-style fundraising roundup.

Remember a holstered gun makes an imposing image as a fashion accessory, but you must be ever mindful how it’s hanging, else you could shoot yourself in the foot — or some other spot downrange.

House Bill 60 - Georgia gun rights bill

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