You can learn a little by reading Columbus' write-in votes from Tuesday's election.
For example, do you know who "Gozer the Gozerian" is? Me neith- What? You DO know?
That figures. What a lot of useless knowledge we keep in mind.
I should have remembered Gozer, too, but I did not: Gozer's the pagan god in the movie "Ghostbusters," the one that turns Sigourney Weaver into a hellhound before sending "The Destructor" in the shape of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man to ravage New York City.
Also "Goser the Goserian" is a beer made by the Sixpoint Brewery there.
Also it was among the write-in votes recorded during Tuesday's election.
Among the others were the usual cartoon characters: Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, Winnie the Pooh, Dora the Explorer, Tinkerbell, HR Pufnstuf, Pee Wee Herman, etc.
Snoopy and Mickey Mouse tied at nine votes each. Jesus got nine votes, too -- 10 if you count someone's touch-screen typing out "Jesus you can go wrong." But it's unclear whether the voter left the "T" off "can't" or was just struck by the realization that wow, you could easily vote for the wrong person.
Give Jesus 10 votes, and he still trails former mayor and Superior Court Judge Bobby Peters, who got 13.
But even the push for Peters was swamped by the outpouring of support for "Anyone Else" and its variations, which got 41 votes -- 42 if you count "Anyone Else Breathing," apparently a write-in from school board District 6, because two others nearby were "Not Mark" and one "Not Mark Cantrell."
Speaking of writing in whole messages, someone wrote: "I just wanted to use this unopposed incumbents space to share this with everyone . Nathan Deal is an unethical crook who has done more harm to Georgians than most prison inmates."
Someone else tapped out: "Teresa can do a way better job by adding attractions and having a larger budget and account for schools and afterschool programs."
Instead of just voting for District 1 Councilor Jerry "Pops" Barnes' challenger, someone wrote: "He needs to be taken off city council. He has not advocated well for south Columbus."
Three times someone typed: "Don't know enough about this candidate. This needs to change."
Among the write-in names of characters you might wish would run for office here were Batman, Darth Vader, Willie Nelson, Jon Bon Jovi, Han Solo, Mark Twain, Mike Myers, Larry Byrd, Snoop Dog, Ronald McDonald, E.T., Bubble Guppies, Looney Toon, Doc McStuffins, Willamena Witchiepoo, Moses, Peanut, Billy Goat and My Dog.
These votes don't count, of course, so even if someone out there really is named "McMuffins" or "T-Bone Delite," his or her write-in vote is worth only a chuckle.
Plus however much time it took to type on a touch-screen voting machine.
Tim Chitwood, email@example.com, 706-571-8508.