There’s a story about a girl who did something heinous enough to end her romantic relationship immediately.
Her gesture was so offensive that it left no room for compromise, no time for “please forgive me.”
She stood in front of the TV.
During the Super Bowl.
Now that we know who’s playing in next Sunday’s big game — the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints — many couples are preparing for their annual Super Bowl date.
Whether it takes place at a friend’s house or neighborhood bar, the Super Bowl date is essentially an un-date.
You travel to the venue together, but you have no obligation to acknowledge your partner’s presence once the TV turns on.
If anything, you’re obligated to ignore your date completely — all in the name of an enhanced viewing experience, of course.
Traditional relationship etiquette is replaced with, well, baked beans.
The plus side: A Super Bowl date is virtually pressure-free. It lacks the formalities that accompany fancy dinners and intimate settings.
For one night only, you have the freedom to answer a complicated relationship inquiry with a mere two-syllable response:
The drawback? Not everyone appreciates the Super Bowl date’s informal nature.
That’s why many Super Bowl viewing parties contain a contingent of guests who make your Crock Pot-dominated food spread a little less enjoyable.
Like the partier who uses a fork and knife to (delicately) devour your famous eight-topping nachos.
Or the girl who wears a football jersey — but insists on manipulating the fabric in a manner she thinks makes the garment resemble a cocktail dress.
The endeavor is always unsuccessful, and the subject looks more like a lesson in knot-tying than glamour.
You don’t need to have your eyes glued to the TV for every second of next Sunday’s game.
Still, for football skeptics, the Super Bowl date can be an uncertain departure from traditional romantic outings.
(Warning: Don’t ease your social discomfort by breathing a sigh of relief when you see there’s four minutes left on the clock. You will be disappointed.)
Every once in a while, it’s nice to opt for a weekend outing where your relationship doesn’t take center stage — a night when you don’t have to look into each other’s eyes and recite bold declarations of love.
So accept the Super Bowl date for what it’s worth: a much-needed brush with romantic informality. Eat your nachos, do some trash-talking and everything will be fine.
Assuming you don’t block the TV.
Sonya Sorich, reporter, can be reached at 706-571-8516 or firstname.lastname@example.org.