I thought my car was exploding.
How else could I explain the driver’s decision to rapidly honk his horn as he pulled up beside my vehicle?
Flustered, I rolled down my window and prepared for a red alert.
The emergency news: “Can I get your number?”
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Yes, many daters still believe romance is ignited in traffic.
Just days after the car explosion turned dating game, I watched a bystander block my vehicle’s path as I approached a crosswalk.
His roadside alarm was equally pressing — something like, “Hey lil mama, where are you going?”
Drive-by pickup lines don’t work.
Maybe there’s some romance in thinking it’s possible to bond over a cross-window discussion during a 30-second red light.
Maybe it’s reassuring to believe your “I Drive Like a Cullen” bumper sticker from “Twilight” carries enough power to convince every eligible mate to converse with you during highway construction delays.
But maybe that’s also why you’re still single.
Roadside pickup lines have one glaring drawback: the object of your affection’s ability to drive away.
Plus, the good old “roll down your window” gesture immediately gives you a disadvantage.
Your speech might be the most romantic thing in the world, but the context alone puts it on the same level as “what’s your sign?”
Strangely, the people bold enough to opt for this pickup strategy often have vehicles most likely to make them romantically undesirable.
Puffy dashboard dice are often involved. Same goes for doors fastened by duct tape.
The worst drive-by pickup artists are the ones who hit on neighboring drivers at red lights.
I generally respond by appearing as unsexy as possible, picking my nose while blasting a Rod Stewart greatest hits CD.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned that’s not as much of a turn-off as it sounds.
Like you, I’ve spent plenty of lonely nights with Billy Ocean’s ode to window-side pickups — “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car.”
However, we already have to contend with roadside dangers like obsessive texters and people intent on doing the Macarena while driving.
Let’s not increase the stresses of driving by adding highways to our pool of go-to meet markets.
Then, and only then, we can bring traffic stops back to their intended purpose: a time to apply mascara and deodorant.
Sonya Sorich, reporter, can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 706-571-8516.