It's not my fault if you find yourself posing as an animal mid-weekend.
Blame Anthony Potmesil, also known as "The Erotic Hypnotic." He'll return to Columbus Friday and Saturday, with shows at The Vault at 11:30 p.m. both nights. Cover is $5.
Volunteer for the show and you'll end up demonstrating your erotic prowess to a group of strangers. Remain an audience member and you'll get enough blackmail material to last you a lifetime.
If Saturday night debauchery leaves you craving some refinement, head over to Greater Saint Mark A.M.E. Church, 546 Second Ave., for Sunday's 11 a.m. worship service.
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You won't just be redeemed of (most of) your sins — Fonzworth Bentley, P. Diddy's former personal assistant, will appear after the service to sign copies of his book, "Advance Your Swagger." The etiquette manual will make you long for a world of manners and chivalry.
So much, in fact, that you might even be able to stomach the Weddings in the Garden Bridal Showcase in the Comer Inn, 439 Broadway.
It's 3-6 p.m. Sunday and vendors range from Elegant Moments Bridal Salon to Mary Kay cosmetics. You might leave on a desperate search to find Mr. Right.
Or, more likely, you'll be even happier that you have the freedom to watch the season premiere of "Desperate Housewives" alone.