In a solemn moment rarely seen by the likes of Rahm Emanuel, the man who has openly lusted for the seat of Chicago's power announced via YouTube on Sunday that he would run for the office of mayor.
"*&$*#," Emanuel said in his online announcement. "And so's your mom."
Emanuel, who until recently has controlled the White House through a series of puppet strings and open threats, returned to Chicago over the weekend and released his bland attempt at connecting with Generation We Don't Care by using something called "the Internets."
The former chief of staff for Barack Obama now begins his quest to destroy all those who oppose him, see them driven before him and hear the lamentations of their women.
Obama, meanwhile, chose some guy in his 60s who owns two cats to replace Emanuel.