Most of America will be eating pizza this Sunday. I go for chili, because I hate waiting on other people to bring me food. Plus, I like to cook, chili's easy to make, and the whole house smells fantastic.
Here's Friday's grocery list: A couple of slices of fried bacon, a chopped onion, two cloves of garlic, two cups of cooked chicken (or pork or beef), 2 teaspoons of chili powder, 14 ounces of stewed tomatoes, a 15-ounce can of drained kidney beans. Now cook the onion and garlic until tender. Add the meat and chili powder and cook for five minutes. Now add the tomatoes (undrained) and bring to a boil before stirring in the beans and bacon. Simmer for five minutes.
Go ahead and try a small bowl now, but put the rest in the fridge to let it stew until Sunday. While it's doing its thing, hop out to RiverCenter's Studio Theater, where, at 7:30 p.m. Friday, Shirantha Beddage will lead the CSU Jazz Band in a concert that features Atlanta saxophone player Sam Skelton. We're lucky to have Beddage here, and we're even luckier that you can see this show for a paltry $5. Details: 706-256-3612.
Sunday, of course, it's time to watch the Super Bowl. Pull that chili out, warm it back up, stovetop, and enjoy the blowout — or at least the Tom Petty halftime show. It starts at 6:30 p.m. on Fox.
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BLOCK CRAWLING It looks like a bar crawl, sounds like a bar crawl and smells like a bar crawl, but operates under a different identity.
It's now called a block party, and there's one this Friday. In true bar crawl form, the cover for Friday's shindig has yet to be announced, and the list of participating hot spots differs on posters and fliers. Translation: recipe for a good time.
After tainting your No. 1 going-out dress with cigarette smoke Friday, you'll need to buy a new outfit. Especially if you're intent on flaunting your end zone for the Super Bowl.
That's why I recommend hitting up 305 His and Hers, the boutique at 1640 Rollins Way. Unfortunately, they'll soon be relocating out of the state. But that also means you have access to some major sales. Shop early, and don't tell your friends how much you paid.
Sunday, show off your new outfit at a Super Bowl party. Find one where there's so many diversions that you don't actually have to pay attention to the game.
A good bet? The party at Buckhead Grill, 5010 Armour Road. Just $20 gets you reserved seating, a buffet, eight plasma screens, beer specials and a halftime drawing for $250.
FAT CHANCE TUESDAY
Bad news about this weekend: You're going to catch a cold sometime during the day Friday, cancel your weekend plans and watch “The Breakfast Club” over and over until sometime Sunday afternoon. It's not a pretty picture.
The only way out of this wretched existence is to take my advice . . . in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions:
No. 1) Focus on Mardi Gras. You need beads and lots of them if you're going to experience all Columbus nightlife has to offer on a Tuesday in February. Personally, I keep a stash in a bag in my closet for just such emergencies. Others in need may have to pay money for these trinkets. Check thrift stores and Party City in Columbus Park Crossing.
No. 2) Mardi Gras isn't just for drunkards searching for cheap thrills. It's also for drunk politicians seeking cheap votes. This weekend, spend some time researching candidates instead of just voting for the one that buys you beer on election day. Look at ontheissues.org for some really good information on voting records and their stance on the issues.
Don't look at Ron Paul's information, though. You'll turn into one of the Paulite zombies who troll the Internet and believe he actually has a shot of winning.
No. 3) Get started on celebrating Fat Tuesday a little bit early by trying my latest concoction: the Fat Chance Tuesday. Use pink-flavored Arbor Mist as the mixer, add a little red Hi-C fruit punch and some cherry Van Gogh vodka. It's a drink that'll really make you get on your feet.
And if you get up, we'll all get up. It'll be anarchy.