Stink bombs over Baghdad
Welcome, malcontents, to one of five holidays in America that give many of us the only three-day weekends we'll see this side of Paradise. Use these 72 hours wisely, or read the following suggestions and burn your time like holidays come every weekend.
The Columbus Woodbats, in its quest for finding a new name, take on the East Alabama Big Train at 7 p.m. Friday, 7 p.m. Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday at Golden Park. I recommend Friday night, since you'll be recovering Sunday and no doubt doing something important on Saturday.
Like taking part in the Columbus Tea Party's Rally for Medical Freedom. Be at the eternal flame on the Ninth Street side of the Columbus Government Center at 4 p.m. The rally lasts until 6 p.m. and will feature speakers, signs with poignant political messages and a raffle for a big gun. Bring money for raffle tickets.
After exercising your right to free speech, head over to Belloo's, 900 Front Ave., for a luau party. The fun starts at 6 p.m. Bring $5 for cover, and be sure to get there early if you want to sit down.
It's time to overdose on deviled eggs while sporting blue fingernail polish. Congratulations.
You're going to have to kill some time before the fireworks, so I recommend spending Saturday afternoon at Pop-A-Top, 210 32nd Street. The neighborhood bar hosts a free cookout beginning at 1 p.m. You'll marvel at the bar's eclectic wall decorations and meet a few new friends.
Can't handle a couple cans of PBR? Wussy. Skip Pop-A-Top and go to the National Civil War Naval Museum Saturday. The museum is at 1002 Victory Drive. They'll perform demonstrations of naval surgery at 10 a.m., 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. You'll learn about cool surgery techniques involving saws, knives and leaches. Admission is $5-$6.50 and the museum is open 9 a.m.-5 p.m.
Finally, end Saturday at Thunder on the Hooch, a free event held 5-9:30 p.m. on the Chattahoochee Riverwalk. The festival culminates in fireworks. The show just might inspire you to contemplate how great it is to be an American. Don't reflect too long, though. You'll want to leave downtown before Alan hits up the Belloo's luau in his Speedo.