Tamra started this episode off by visiting a tattoo parlor. More on that later.
The big drama this episode involved the age-old argument between Tamra's husband, Simon, and Vicki. It all happened at Lynne's housewarming party.
Simon and Tamra were the first guests to arrive at the party, which started off with shots. Then it was time for the group to do wall sits? A side note: My friend, Jessie, used to be able to wall sit for 30 minutes straight.
The set-up for a Simon/Vicki throw-down is made early in the evening and then all the other guests, including Vicki, arrive.
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"Oh my gosh, Tamra's nine sheets to the wind," Gretch said about her slurring, stumbling fellow housewife. "I hear Tamra's kind of a closet drinker. I hear she drinks often. But I hear that."
Simon and Vicki started in on their feud while chugging cocktails on the deck. He's pissed because Vick's butting into his marriage. Vick called the marriage destructive. Simon said, "Stay out of my business. It's my marriage."
Vick vows to take the high road. Simon leaves the party, glass in hand. Tamra goes after him and ends up crying. Simon convinces Tamra that Vicki is evil and is trying to break up their marriage.
Oh my gosh and all of this happened before dinner was even served! Of course Vick and Simon were seated next to each other.
My question for the evening: Why do these people, who clearly hate each other, hang out together?
Back to Tamra's tattoo. What did she get? Simon's name in red on her ring figure. Aren't they one argument away from getting a divorce? The whole experience looked like it hurt, a lot. "It feels like razor blades going into your skin."
The outcome: She loves it. "I just hope it's not the kiss of death."
Later in the show Tamra and her biker gang went on a ride to grab some lunch. This is when she reveals her red finger tat to Simon. Drinking was definitely involved in this trip.
Simon is stunned and then blurts out, "It's the first unselfish thing you've done in a long time. I love you." I guess that's a nice thing to say.
Lynne's drama with her brat daughter, Alexa, thankfully ceased in this episode. She did bring up that unfortunate meltdown the world saw her have last week. "I think I just got it off my chest and now I feel better and now I can move on," Lynne said to Alexis before inviting her to her housewarming party.
Lynne's statement to the confessional camera about the aftermath of her wildly uncomfortable breakdown: "We all made up afterward. It was fine afterward. We always do that. We get all upset and then we're fine. That's how we roll here in the OC."
Gretchen, meanwhile, is desperate to get a job. So, who does she go to for advice? Vicki, of course.
The two women chatted about "Gretchen Christine Beaute," her make-up line. With product names like "Vixen," "Goddess" and "Golden Girls" how could it fail?
Gretch is working on pulling her line together for the upcoming Women's Empowerment Expo. The theme for a launch party she's throwing is old school Hollywood. She's nervous about all the money she's spending. Maybe she should listen to Vicki and not spend it before she has it. Hmm.
Vick asked Gretch some very tough and maybe slightly inappropriate questions about her income stream and her dead husband, Jeff.
V: "You got money when Jeff died, too?"
V: "You got nothing, huh?"
It was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as when Vick made a point to tell Gretch that while she and the other lazy housewives are drinking wine, working out for two hours a day and attending lavish cooking and lingerie parties, she's in her office working.
And the condescension didn't stop there. It was SO on at Lynne's dinner party. By the time Vick left the party (early) with her husband -- what's his name who isn't allowed to talk -- all the other housewives had turned on her. Rightfully, perhaps?
We get it, Vicki, you work for a living. Get over yourself.
Alexis and her not-so-handsome husband, Jim, headed to Palm Desert for two days. No kids. No drama. No, really. There was zero drama, which made this segment hard to watch. We learned that Jim and Alexis met at the Marriott Desert Springs in Palm Desert.
The couple stayed in the Presidential Suite this time around. The hotel kind of looks like a run-down spring break destination though the Presidential Suite, which includes three rooms, costs $2,900-plus a night so it's probably not the place where liquored-up teens go to party, unless their Lynne's youngest daughter, Alexa.
"We don't want to be just like, 'Oh hi dear' as he's walking by," Alexis said. "We want to still be touching and kissing and in love when we grow old and when we're 80 sitting in our rocker so it's important to do these kind of getaways. Well, I'll be 80 he'll be 95, but..."
To save the best of this episode for last, Lynne's daughter was handed an eviction notice! Though it would have been pretty sweet if her parents had evicted HER from their house, the notice was actually meant for them. The show abruptly ended after that.
Next week we get to see Lynne and her hubby fighting about Lynne's distorted view of the world.
It really IS freakin' hard to live in Orange County.