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Chris Johnson

Go get yourself some cheap sunglasses

This might shock those of you who know me, but I'm not the kind of guy who spends a lot of money on sunglasses — or clothes or restaurants or vehicles or golf courses or technology or tequila or the prescriptions the doctor thinks might keep me alive.

Robin Trimarchi rtrimarchi@ledger-enquirer.com
Soldiers with the 3rd Heavy Brigade Combat Team stand at attention during the presenting of the colors and playing of The Star Spangled Banner before the Doughboy Classic gets underway at Doughboy Stadium Thursday. The brigade fielded a team to face the Columbus State University Club Sport Tackle Football team. 10.28.10

Chris Johnson

Patriotic songs need updates to reflect today’s America

Just because America has growing income inequality, insane college debt, a broken health-care system and is becoming whatever system you get when oligarchy and corporatocracy collide is no reason to do away with great patriotic tunes.

Chris Johnson

It's hard to out-conservative these Georgia boys

I've already cast my ballot this primary season in Georgia. I like early voting because, just as I said last week, I kinda like my elbow room. In fact, if it were up to me, we'd have a holiday where everyone could vote, an early voting period before that and a week before that when only I am allowed to vote.

Chris Johnson

And a child shall lead them — I hope

Are you worried about the growing national debt? Concerned about record high temperatures in the Arctic and melting sea ice? Are you a corporation tired of pandering politicians twisting your arm to make you provide special favors to their favored interests?

Chris Johnson

What would Iron Eyes Cody think today?

My work has occasionally taken me to some pretty poor areas of the world. One of the things I’ve noticed in third-world countries like Ghana and Nicaragua is that no matter how poor the people, they seem to be nicer, happier and more generous — on average — than most Americans I’ve encountered.

Chris Johnson

Some things are worth waiting for

Didn’t you just hate it when your parents would give you those old sob stories about how bad things were when they were growing up?

Chris Johnson

Time to put all this concern to rest

Do you know the worst thing about recovering from a heart attack?

Chris Johnson

When you pull a Fred Sanford, go to the doctor

I really needed a weekend of doing absolutely nothing — no cleaning out the gutters, no painting anything, no building a 100-foot outdoor fireplace off the patio or any of that typical stuff. I also needed a column idea — I’ve been out of column ideas since roughly 1998, which should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this column once a decade.

In this Jan. 10, 2017 image, Torrey Jewett looks on as her roommate Donnie Cardenas recovers from the flu at the Palomar Medical Center in Escondido, Calif. California has been hit especially hard by the flu this season. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull)

Chris Johnson

Give your fellow humans plenty of elbow room

This flu season appears to be pretty bad, and it has set me to wondering whether or not I got a flu shot the last time I saw my doctor in the early fall. It’s possible. I recall some sort of pain, but it could simply be from when they told me what portion of the visit my health insurance covered.

Chris Johnson

Column: Gotta change my ways or meat my doom

It seemed like all the stars were aligning as 2018 began.

Chris Johnson

Buying a new vehicle really pushes my buttons

There’s nothing quite as terrible as going car shopping. Between the high prices and chatty salesmen, Chris Johnson has little patience for it.

Miami-Dade said it wiped the data from 13 phones temporarily issued to county officials for a two-week trade mission to China and Japan in March 2018. The Miami Herald requested text messages from one of the phones, only to discover the data had been deleted. That could be a violation of state law.

Chris Johnson

Column: How on God’s flat Earth are these still things?

There are more than a few things that boggle my mind about people today. But a couple stood out to me recently.

Chris Johnson

Tax reform has forced me to consider new options

Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian or a Webelo, I think we can all agree that America's current tax system is way too complicated. So, the general concept of reforming and improving our tax code is a good idea.

Chris Johnson

Column: Time for some generalizing about the opposite sex

That sound you just heard was not a test. It was an actual full red-alert siren sounded by newspaper editors who just read that headline and assumes I’m about to write something stupid that could get everyone in trouble.

Chris Johnson

Put down the fried chicken leg and calm down

Last week the American Heart Association and others groups came together to announce that they’ve decided to change the guidelines for what constitutes “high” blood pressure. It made me so angry that my blood pressure shot up 10 points.

Chris Johnson

Is it time we replaced America’s national anthem?

When I was in eighth grade, my favorite teacher, Mr. Trussell, posed a question to our social studies class:

Chris Johnson

Column: If this idea from Southwest Airlines takes flight, I’ll stay grounded

There was a time when the thought of getting on an airplane was exciting for me. After all, the closest I’d been to flying as a kid was when my neighbor jumped the railroad tracks in downtown Montezuma, Georgia, in his parents’ Ford LTD while blaring Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” from the 8-track deck. In his defense, they only had the one 8-track tape that came with the car purchase, and he’d just been dumped.

Chris Johnson

Column: The scariest thing to be this Halloween

I’ve struggled to find the perfect costume this Halloween. Sure, I could dig out my Fashion-Challenged Middle-Aged Boring Guy costume, but I’ve worn it for like five straight years now. In fact, I’ve been wearing it for about 1,742 consecutive days, which may be why I’m getting tired of it.

Chris Johnson

Here’s the bright side of not having winters in Georgia, Alabama

According to NOAA — the Nebraska Organization for Avacados and Aardvarks — this year’s winter is expected to be warmer than usual. This follows, of course, on the heels of last year’s warmer-than-usual winter.

Chris Johnson

While cigarettes are no longer allowed at hotels, something else is now welcome

When I was a kid, there was no such thing as booking a hotel room online. On our family vacations to Florida, that meant riding around looking for vacancy signs at hotels and motels with names like the Sea Foam Motel and the Dead Squid Smell Inn. Fortunately, the Dead Squid Smell Inn didn’t smell anything like dead squid because back then all hotel rooms smelled like cigarettes.

Chris Johnson

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