Recently, NOAA (which I believe is Navel Oranges Against Apples) announced that 2014 was the hottest year on record -- which, naturally, caused liberals to scream that the Earth is being destroyed and caused right-wingers to scream "BENGHAZI!"
And just this week, Chris Johnson -- the newspaper columnist, not the player for the Atlanta Braves -- announced that the past month or so in the South has been the hottest in at least the past 45 years and that he would strongly consider moving to Maine if they knew how to fry chicken. And while I don't know whether we can trust all those NOAA and NASA scientists with all their facts and junk, I know Chris Johnson and I can tell you that if he says something is true, you can be 63 percent sure it kinda is.
It's been so hot lately that I'm now looking forward to what some scientists say could be a "mini ice age" in the 2030s when they say the sun might take some time off to sort of recharge and maybe do some RV-ing and travel the galaxy for a decade. I always knew I'd be cool in my 60s. I can't wait to ski Pine Mountain!
Personally, I've been taking this record heat wave in stride -- mainly by striding over to the Margaritaville machine. In fact, it hasn't even stopped me from walking 18 holes on the golf course. Granted, by the 16h hole, I can't remember my name and start making na-na-na-na-na sounds when I putt, but I persevere.
Of course, I have what is mainly an office job. Every now and then I get outside and take a few pictures of folks doing actual work, but mostly I'm in front of a computer and complaining because it's a toasty 76 degrees in my office.
"I'm not an animal!" I've screamed in an effort to get someone to lower the office air-conditioning.
"You don't even work here!" they respond.
My office attire usually consists of a T-shirt, shorts and tennis shoes. This won't surprise folks I've worked with in other places over the years because I've always been a dress-code buster. But I'm not only dressing that way because conformist clothes rankle me; in red-hot times like these, to wear anything more is bordering upon insanity.
Year after hotter year, I see businessmen wearing three-piece suits and sportcoats as they walk past people frying eggs on sidewalks in July. Now, I understand that not all men have legs as pretty as mine, so shorts might not be an option. But certainly long sleeves, ties and sportcoats are completely unnecessary.
I realize financial institutions and such are trying to conform to certain expectations for their look, but I'm not sure I want folks who wear coats in July to manage my money. I want folks with more sense than that. Granted, my current money manager is a machine into which I dump spare change every now and then, but I stand by my point.
Quite frankly, when it's 100 degrees with a heat index of 110 and the most popular tourist attraction in Georgia is the beer cave down at the Circle K, anything involving attire more than flip-flops is overdressed.
I guess it all boils (literally these days) down to this: If you wouldn't wear a bikini in a blizzard, then why would you wear long sleeves, ties, pants and sportcoats in a heat wave?
Connect with Chris Johnson at Facebook.com/KudzuKidWriting or on Twitter @kudzukid88.