Maybe you missed the annual Labor Day Weekend Book Sale last weekend, which means you missed an opportunity to fill your bookshelves with dusty volumes sprung from the minds of Tom Clancy, Bill Cosby, Sarah Palin, Priscilla Presley, Sue Grafton, John Grisham and John Maxwell.
Or Patricia Cornwall, Zell Miller, James A. Michener, Al Franken, Socrates, Danielle Steele and Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
But don't worry. There's always the bag sale.
It'll be Sept. 15 at the Ledger-Enquirer.
You pay $5 for all the books you can stuff into a paper bag, or $3 for all the tomes you can fit into a plastic grocery bag.
Bags will be provided, or you can BYOB -- bring your own bag.
In case you're wondering, yes, I did go downstairs in the Ledger-Enquirer building and peruse the leftover books, and I'm happy to report that thousands of books remain for the bag sale, including multiple copies of "The Purpose Driven Life," "The South Beach Diet," Dr. Phil's "Self Matters" and Tim Allen's "Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man."
And if you're looking for some self-help, well, you've hit the jackpot.
These days, people with problems just go to Google and find quick solutions. But that's so "today." Why get a single page of online self-help tips when you can get hundreds of pages of wisdom and insight on a single problem?
If you attend next week's bag sale, you'll have the opportunity to bag the following how-to books (and I promise these are actual titles): "How to Talk to Practically Anybody About Practically Anything," "How to Talk So Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk," "How to be a Hero to Your Kids," "How to Keep the Children You Love Off Drugs," "How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People," and of course, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
So you'll learn how to talk to people and deal with people and even befriend them.
You'll also get tips for staying healthy in mind and body, for at the book sale you'll also discover "How to Keep a Sound Mind," "How to Win over Worry," "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," "How to Stop Tension and Start Living," "How to Reduce Your Risk of Breast Cancer," "How to Feel Great 24 Hours a Day," "How to be Single" and "How to Be."
But wait, there's more. You'll also learn "How to Sell Your Home in Five Days," "How to Tame a Wild Boar," "How to Cook a Pig," "How to Grow Houseplants," "How to Plan and Plant Your Own Property," "How to Manage Your Money," "How to Set Up and Implement a Records Management System" and "How to Open and Operate a Bed and Breakfast Home."
Or you could just get "How to Do Almost Everything."
If you bag it before anybody else does.
Dimon Kendrick-Holmes, executive editor, firstname.lastname@example.org