If you don’t get enough sleep, you start to resent the electronics that do. Like you notice that every time you turn around, your laptop or iPad shifts to sleep mode. You stop to scribble some notes, and it passes out like a drunk uncle.
I did not know I needed to mind my head, until I turned 40 and took a trip to Scotland, and saw a sign on a low overhead beam that said: “Mind your head.” Here we would say “Watch Your Head,” but a Brit or a Scot or whatever would say that’s impossible, because you can’t see your head, without a mirror.
Advance, in-person voting is into its last week, and unless some last-minute swarm hits the poll in the Citizens Service Center at 3111 Citizens Way, off Macon Road next to the library, the hope of having a decent turnout will be blindingly dim.
Chikungunya is here, though you don’t hear much about it unless someone just enjoys saying “chikungunya.” It sounds like a mythical monster, like “chupacabra.” Like you kids better watch out, or the chikungunya’s going to get you.
How do you give people STDs without touching them? By stuffing them. Stuffing the STDs, I mean: They’re available as stuffed animals now, from “Drew Oliver’s GIANT Microbes – A Million Times Actual Size!”
“Our investigation has revealed there is no ‘Stormy Daniels,’” said whoever the acting FBI director that hasn’t been fired yet is. “After a thorough review of pornographic films, photographs, and adult fiction, including the entire ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ series, we have determined that almost all of the characters are entirely fictional.”
I often avoid strangers on the street downtown. not just because some of them ask me for money – some people really are down on their luck, and there but for fortune go we and all that – but because sometimes they want to tell me a long story first.
The ride to the death house is like a scene from an apocalyptic movie, from “The Hunger Games” or “Escape From New York”: The guards have their dark shields down, and rigidly face assigned directions, as the van passes between them.
Things are always ending in tragedy on the news, especially things that started out happy until something went wrong, and then they’re even more tragic. “A family outing to CELEBRATE a child’s BIRTHDAY turns to TRAGEDY,” the anchors say, and you know they don’t mean Mama dropped the cake or Creepy the Clown showed up drunk.
The annual “Strut the Hooch” novelty parade through downtown is growing like an adolescent at an all-you-can-eat buffet. The forthcoming “Strut the Hooch” will be the fourth to come, and it’s going to have new features, including a Fort Benning brass band.
“The solution to the littering issue is simple: Eliminate disposable containers and we eliminate litter,” a reader says. “If people cannot be responsible enough to dispose of disposable cups, wrappers, bags, etc., then they should not be allowed to have them at all!”
You can have all the community litter cleanups you want, and you’ll never get it all, and not only that, but it will return as soon as you’re done, because people will keep discarding more. The only way to get ahead would be to have a big cleanup every day, until we were collecting more trash than people were throwing out.