Today the board shall be set, the pieces placed, the players ready to roll the dice.
This is their last chance to muster reserves, for today is the deadline to register to vote in Georgia's May 20 party primaries and Columbus' local nonpartisan elections.
This analogy is not to imply life is a game, as I usually avoid game analogies. People who think life is a game wind up competing against each other out of habit. Also they start talking in sports metaphors, which I find confusing.
A while back I was talking to a guy who uses a lot of sports talk, and abruptly he said, “You’re bleeding.” Thinking this was some sporting vernacular, I thought, “Oh @#$%! What the hell does THAT mean?”
I said, “What?” And he gestured toward his neck and said, “You’re bleeding.” Then I felt my neck and found blood on my fingers. I had cut myself shaving.
It’s not every day you’re relieved to learn you cut your own throat.
Speaking of politics, elections can treated like board games, with maps and pieces and moves – kind of like “Risk,” described on “Seinfeld” as “a game of world domination played by guys who can barely run their own lives.”
Here we call that “School Board.” And if you want to play, you have to register to vote today, if you haven’t already.
I have, but on registration day each election year, I still go online to the Georgia Secretary of State’s “MyVoter” web page to make sure I’m on the roster. This is particularly important if you’ve not voted for a few election cycles, because you can get purged from the rolls.
So let’s do that now: Go to mvp.sos.state.ga.us, type in your first initial, last name, county of residence and date of birth, hit “submit,” and click!
It tells me my full name and address, and that my race is white and “not of Hispanic origin,” and my gender is “male.”
Right by “male” it says my status is “active,” which I am going to show my wife because she says all I do is lie on the couch watching “Seinfeld” reruns.
The best part is right below there is a “sample ballots” link that lets you see which party’s primary you might want to vote in. All ballots have the local nonpartisan races, but if you choose that only, you skip picking nominees for governor and senator.
Even if you feel alienated from the two-party system, you still can sabotage it by picking a real loser. I sometimes go for the biggest nut in the bushel just to spook party regulars.
The MyVoter page also shows your election day polling place, and it has an absentee ballot application you can download, and a link to Columbus’ early in-person voting sites.
I’m aiming for the old Piccadilly Restaurant at Peachtree Mall, which starting April 28 will be open 11 a.m.-8 p.m., Monday-Friday.
More information, including a voter registration form, is at our local elections website, www.columbusga.org/elections.