TALKIN' SMACK: Keep PDAs out of downtown

Good: a chance to make your lips a permanent fixture in downtown Columbus.

Better: no risk of infection, unprompted tongue action or reputation-damaging photos. Too awesome to be true? Hardly, smoochers.

Rumors, formerly Savana's, is fine-tuning its logo and the nightclub's staff needs your help. Next weekend, Angelina Jolie wannabes can take a print of their lips at the downtown bar.

The winning print will be permanently used as part of the official Rumors logo.

While the contest will certainly keep some chronic smoochers busy, rest assured that there will still be plenty of games of intramural tonsil hockey going on in the background.

It's fitting that a set of lips will soon be implanted on the downtown landscape, since for many party goers, kissing remains a central part of the nightlife experience.

Moving in for the kill.

You may also know it as showcasing your bad breath, humiliating yourself or initiating a restraining order.

Because even though nightlife's tolerance guidelines continue to expand, there's some blurriness, particularly when signs of affection are involved.

Somewhere between hug and handshake, it becomes socially acceptable to greet new acquaintances with a kiss.

Amazingly, this mark of maturity is most utilized when hot people are involved.

Go for it, but like food dropped on cement, a five-second rule applies to the acquaintance hug and kiss. Linger for more than five seconds and you are not saying hello. You are violating.

An even greater culprit in the world of affection awkwardness? The infamous PDA.

Unless you're exchanging a hello or goodbye — five-second rule, remember — don't do it.

It's unnecessary. Some natural wonders — sunsets, plants, bodies of water — prompt romance.

The natural wonders you see downtown don't. If a fake giant polar bear inspires you to candidly plant a kiss on your significant other, you need to step back and examine your childhood ASAP.

Also, as much as you may believe that you and your boyfriend are dead-on Beckham lookalikes, chances are your audience still won't want to pull a paparazzi.

Excessive PDAs aren't grand romantic gestures, but rather evidence of a couple who doesn't really know how to talk.

And sometimes, they make single people cry.

If you choose to disregard this advice and still publicly display your affection, at least do it tactfully.

Don't over-indulge, don't draw attention to yourself and by all means don't use it as an opportunity to multi-task. Nothing screams "player" more than texting while making out.

And if there's any chance you'll run into an ex on the party scene, be classy and avoid all PDAs with your current partner. Especially if the term "downgrade" applies to your new relationship.

When it comes to nightlife, affection is often a tangled maze, and it can be difficult to avoid the lure of strawberry lip gloss. So smooch away — with caution.

There's no guarantee your fellow partiers' lips will be sealed.


What: Lip print contest to design Rumors' official logo

When: Sept. 7-8

Where: Rumors, 1107 Broadway

Details: 706-576-4300