Every radio station in town is playing Rod Stewart, and your left ring finger throbs with a pain that screams, “Pity me. I’m single.”
You’re convinced Valentine’s Day couldn’t get any worse.
While you sulk in your unattached misery, your friend has realized her new boyfriend considers Feb. 14 dinner a dutch-treat deal. She only has $10 in her purse, but luckily that’s more than enough to cover a meal at Burger King.
She muses, “I should have stayed single.”
Such is life on Valentine’s Day.
Single people feel lonely. Coupled people complain about adhering to a list of artificial romantic formalities.
So go ahead, paint your nails black and wear your “I Hate Married People” T-shirt. Somewhere, there’s a married person complaining her spouse didn’t make Feb. 14 a big enough deal.
No matter how you approach it, the holiday is awkward.
Consider this misery scale, based on an hourly chronology of Valentine’s Day:
You wake up alone and prepare for a day filled with relationship questions. Or:
You wake up beside a partner, who offers this romantic inquiry: “Waffle House?”
You buy flowers for yourself while entertaining pity stares from cashiers. Or:
You learn flowers were cut from your boyfriend’s recession budget, even though an electronic whoopee cushion somehow still made the cut.
Bored and single, you stalk your ex’s Facebook page, which offers a dubious status update: “Can’t wait 4 tonight!” Or:
Bored and attached, you realize Valentine’s Day romance consists of watching a “Pawn Stars” marathon.
You attend an “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party, which inevitably turns into a therapy-inspired sobfest. Or:
You attend a fancy dinner with your significant other, and you learn only one of you took your “no gifts” policy seriously.
You crawl into an empty bed and breathe a sigh of relief: “I’m glad that’s over.” Or:
You crawl beside your partner and flinch as Valentine’s Day ends with a heartfelt goodnight: “I’m glad that’s over.”
Single or attached. Married or unmarried. Valentine’s Day is uncomfortable for everyone, so let’s just appreciate our shared belief:
Nothing beats Feb. 15.
Sonya Sorich, reporter, 706-571-8516.