Finally, a trip to the movie theater goes swimmingly

It takes an awful lot to drag me to a movie theater. I'm cheap, picky and not much for crowds, so spending a lot of money for a terrible movie while people smack and chatter behind me is not exactly my idea of a good time.

The last movie I saw in a theater before this past Sunday was “Dunkirk,” nearly a year ago. It was worth it, so I figured that it was just about time to give the movie theater yet another shot. Also factoring into my decision was that Sunday's heat index was about 211 degrees, which is just below the boiling point. I don't like many things boiled, especially myself. Oh, and opossum, which makes it extra tender and juicy before tossing it on the grill.

Fortunately, I found yet another movie that I thought just might be worth paying $7.50 a ticket to see on the big screen in a dark room with dozens of strangers. I think this movie has summer blockbuster written all over it. Actually, it has summer blockbuster written all over it because it is generally considered the original summer blockbuster — “Jaws.”

Spoiler alert, this movie is about a really big shark that eats folks along the shores of a New England island until it finally eats a boozy English actor and blows up. It's directed by some fellow named Spielberg, and I think it might even have the potential for a sequel or two, something we just don't get enough of out of Hollywood.

Yes, amid such hyped flicks as “Jurassic World,” “Solo” and “Uncle Drew,” I found a screen that shows “flashback” movies on Sundays and Wednesdays. I decided to flash all the way back to 1975, when good film-making, screenplays and acting were not overshadowed by explosions, stunts and CGI. Watching most modern movies today is like watching someone play a video game — and about as exciting.

I've seen “Jaws” in part or in full at least a dozen times, but I'd never seen it on the big screen. I saw “Jaws 3” at the theater because it was in 3-D, but apparently they never talked to the shark about cooperating with the 3-D because he barely took part in it. I thought it was the worst movie ever made. Then they came out with “Jaws: The Revenge.” I stood corrected.

I'm hoping I'll someday get to see other movies I missed on the big screen, like “Smokey and the Bandit,” “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Breakfast at Tiffany's.” I missed those latter two on the big screen because I hadn't been born yet, and I missed that first one because Jackie Gleason apparently said a lot dirtier words than “scumbum” in the big-screen version and I wasn't allowed to hear words like that except in skeevy dives like the boys' bathroom in junior high school, where only the most disgusting curse words are spoken — by boys who don't really know what they mean but see that as no reason not to use them profusely.

I guess I like my movies the same way I like most of my music — old school. I heard that Drake dropped a new album last week. When I was a kid, if you dropped your new album, it might break. But he dropped one that excited everyone on God's flat Earth except me. Everyone is raving about it, and it's songs have been streamed about 3 gazillion times. The album has 25 songs on it, which tells you right there a lot of thought must have gone into it. I heard a few snippets of the “best” songs on it and thought, “Um, that's music?” Music today is either terrible, or I'm getting old. Or both.

Maybe they can resurrect old school music the way they've brought “Jaws” back to the big screen. Perhaps they can use some technology to present the greatest shows by Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, Robert Johnson and Mozart's bluegrass phase.

Anything has got to be better than one of today's dropped albums and tomorrow's video-game movies.