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Kathy Griffin's `Life on the D-List' begins new season

You'd think that someone with a reality show wouldn't have much to hide. Not so with standup comic Kathy Griffin. Griffin stars in her own show on Bravo, "My Life on the D-List," which begins its new season this week.

But the truth about Griffin is not probed by the video camera. Griffin lost her father 2 1/2 months ago and says it hasn't quite sunk in yet. Her father and mother were part of her show and she says, "My dad passed away and now my mom's heart isn't in it. Together they were like a comedy team ... He passed away during production. The day after his memorial I had two shows in Las Vegas, and the reality crew came with me. It's a grueler. That's the thing with a reality show, whatever happens in your life, there's the camera," she says in the lounge of the Ritz Carlton Hotel here.

A divorcee and practical businesswoman, Griffin admits she's looking for an "honest, nice man," but not to marry.

"I'll never get married again," she says, "but I'm very pro-relationship, long relationship. I'm in a unique position. I certainly have no need for the guy to be the provider in any way ... Now if I'm with somebody it's because I like him and he likes me. I don't need a guy to buy a house or a guy to take care of me in any way except as a partner. And that's what I love."

She claims the breakup of her five-year marriage to Matt Moline made her more cynical, but Griffin, 46, still believes in principles -- she just casts them in a different light.

About children she says, "I never did want to have children. It's often hard for me to find guys who don't want to have kids. I'm a magnet for guys who want to have kids. I had a date recently. On the first date he said, `I can't wait to be a dad.' It's typical, what you're not looking for just comes for you. I'm not a kid-person. I never had that gene even when I was a teen-ager."

Though she works in the entertainment industry, she insists, "I couldn't be less attracted to anyone in show business. I'm so turned off by actors and comics because I think they're disgusting, and I am one, and so I know. Anyone who has a headshot I don't want to have sex with. If you even know what sides are or what a script is I don't want to have anything to do with you. I want an old, rich Jew. That's what I want. I want a 58-year-old Jewish accountant who has more money than God, or an attorney or some kind of partner in some construction firm. My favorite qualities are honest, normal and nice -- that's it," she plops her hands onto denim-clad lap. "I want a nice guy who loves me and is a hard-working, honest guy. I don't care what he looks like."

The youngest of five from an "Irish, alcoholic" family, Griffin says she began using humor as a defense. "Fair-skinned with freckles and wiry, red hair, I was picked on. The boys used to bark out the window when I'd pass with my schoolbooks and call me `dog' and every name in the book. It was my survival mechanism. I thought, `If I can be funnier or quicker than they are then I have something on them and they might back off.' And they did."

She parlayed that gift into standup comedy, though when she first moved to L.A. she sang in gay bars, her parents faithfully trekking to her performances. She says she had an older brother who dabbled in show business, but never took it seriously. Griffin takes her comedy very seriously, working exhausting hours and performing in 200 cities this year.

A petite woman, with streaked, ash blonde hair to her shoulders, she confesses she's had some cosmetic surgery done, but is no fan. "I was thin, she acknowledges, "but I was the fattest person in L.A.

"I almost died from that _ damn liposuction. I had it done all over and it didn't work at all. I realized, `Oh, to change your body you have to eat less and go on a treadmill.' So that liposuction landed me in the hospital. I had Lasik eye surgery gone bad and that's not cosmetic but it's elective, and now I have permanent vision loss in my right eye forever. So I haven't had anything done for years. I'm not against plastic surgery, but I will tell that when stuff goes wrong it's permanent."

Now she seems content with her trim body, freckle-less face and straight hair. "In the show-business world I'm considered old and I'm not attractive. But in the real world I'm like a hot tamale. So you take me to a lawyer convention and I'm good to go. I'm like the girl jumping out of the cake."