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Ra! Ra! Ra!

Break out the hymnals and rejoice — the pool at my apartment is finally open. My days of crying in a dark room are over, and now it's time to read trashy novels by a standing body of water.

I would invite you over, but I hardly even know you and it does seem a bit early in the relationship. Instead, I suggest following my example and work on building up that skin cancer in a variety of ways this weekend.

Hit the local Target Friday night for your supplies before braving the scalding rays of the sun god. Sunscreen, beach towels and skeezy books are all in supply. Then swing by Wine & Spirits at Bradley Park for your libations. Perhaps pick up some of those tiny wine bottles you can sneak in your purse or manbag. They've got some good Zins in the back corner. Don't tell them I sent you.

Step two — chill by the pool. Saturday or Sunday is preferable. Get there before noon in order to avoid the kids and the worst of Ra's might. You'll still get some rays, but you'll also be able to walk into work Monday morning without wincing.

And as long as you've still got those little wine bottles, get the most out of your own personal Egyptian deity by hitting either the Saturday or Sunday Columbus Catfish game. They're playing the Rome Braves (a team with the dumbest mascot ever) at 7 p.m. Saturday and 6 p.m. Sunday at Golden Park.

When our team scores a run, you know what to cheer.