Columbus Ledger-Enquirer Logo

JONATHAN SMALL: When bad habits happen to good marriages | Columbus Ledger-Enquirer

×
  • E-edition
  • Home
    • Customer Service
    • Mobile & Apps
    • Archives
    • Buy Photos and Pages
    • Special Sections
    • Contact Us
    • Plus
    • Newsletters
    • Newspaper in Education
    • Subscribe
    • Subscriber Services

    • News
    • Local News
    • Photos
    • Crime
    • Databases
    • Education
    • Job Spotlight
    • Georgia
    • Business
    • Nation/World
    • Lottery
    • Sports
    • Alabama
    • Auburn
    • Braves
    • Columbus State University
    • Cottonmouths
    • Falcons
    • Hawks
    • High Schools
    • UGA
    • Blogs & Columns
    • War Eagle Extra
    • Bulldogs Blog
    • Valley Preps
    • Guerry Clegg
    • Politics
    • Elections
    • ToDo
    • Living
    • Dining
    • Celebrations
    • Outdoors
    • Faith
    • Comics
    • Puzzles & Games
    • Horoscopes
    • Blogs & Columns
    • War Eagle Extra
    • Bulldogs Blog
    • Guerry Clegg
    • Tim Chitwood
    • Richard Hyatt
    • Ledger Inquirer
    • Valley Preps
    • Chuck Williams
    • Dimon Kendrick-Holmes
    • Alva James-Johnson
    • Natalia Naman Temesgen
    • Chris Johnson
    • Opinion
    • Forum
    • Letters
    • Dusty Nix
    • Sound Off
  • Obituaries
  • Readers' Choice

  • Classifieds
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Cars
  • Homes
  • Place An Ad

  • About Us
  • Mobile & Apps

Living

JONATHAN SMALL: When bad habits happen to good marriages

The Nest

    ORDER REPRINT →

July 05, 2007 06:25 PM

My wife has a terrible habit of leaving expired food in the fridge, which is not only disgusting but quite possibly a health code violation in several states. I've tried to say something to her about this, but she just counters with her own grievances about my habits. For example, apparently she doesn't enjoy it when I fart in bed.

Ah, annoying habits. We all have them -- yet for some reason, they seem to become more magnified during marriage. I've heard complaints about everything from the husband who never changes the toilet paper roll to the wife who always steals the covers. So what's the solution? Do we point out every irritating habit our spouse has? Or do we just shrug our shoulders and deal?

LET SOME THINGS SLIDE.

Not all habits are created equal. Some are easy to kick to the curb, but it's impossible to get spouses to change a habit if they don't want to, says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, and author of "The Pleasure Zone: Why We Resist Good Feelings & How to Let Go and Be Happy." For example, training your husband to stop misplacing his car keys -- doable. However, training him to stop passing gas loudly -- doubtful. You must also realize that habits are not personal! Just because my wife refuses to throw leftovers away, doesn't mean she wants to kill me. She just doesn't want to waste food. Once you realize it's not about you, the habit will become a lot easier to stomach (unless it's 4-week-old Chinese food).

SIGN UP

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to the Ledger-Enquirer

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

COMPLIMENT, DON'T CRITICIZE.

OK, so you've decided that the habit is something you both want to change and it's time to take action. Here's a secret of the patented HabitBuster™ program: A good way to bust a habit is to reward its opposite. Don't ever complain, criticize or punish your spouse for the irritation. Saying, "I frickin' hate it when you leave dirty pots on the stove, so from now on we're only ordering takeout!" is not going to change anything. It'll just make your partner defensive and defiant. But what if your husband scrubbed the pots and you rewarded him with lots of praise? Chances are, he'd do it again -- and again. Another strategy: Strike a deal. You promise to try to leave for parties on time, if he tries to act like he's having a good time.

FIND THE HUMOR IN HABITS.

So why not just laugh at them? "Get a sense of humor about your relationship," says Dr. Gilda Carle, a relationship expert and founder of DrGilda.com. "You might just find that the habit was a lot more charming that you originally thought." This all sounds wise and true, but I know for a fact my wife is still trying to find the "funny" in my bedroom ballistics. As she said recently, "Our wedding vows said `till death do us part,' not fart!"

  Comments  

Videos

New Trees Columbus project encourages people to plant shade, not throw shade

Volunteers serve as the “hands and feet of Jesus”, feed homeless at SafeHouse

View More Video

Trending Stories

She tricked her mom into meeting her Hardaway gym teacher. Now, they’re engaged.

February 14, 2019 12:00 AM

The 2019 Teacher of the Year in Muscogee County will be one of these 10 semifinalists

February 15, 2019 12:35 PM

City truck driver, 72, charged in fatal crash Jan. 31 on River Road, police say

February 15, 2019 01:38 PM

Another batch of student athletes in the Columbus area sign college scholarships

February 14, 2019 06:16 PM

Murder or self-defense? Columbus jury must decide answer in birthday party shootout trial

February 14, 2019 06:14 PM

Read Next

How to adopt a furry friend in Columbus for $14
Video media Created with Sketch.

Local

How to adopt a furry friend in Columbus for $14

By Miranda Daniel

    ORDER REPRINT →

February 15, 2019 06:17 PM

From February 14-17, 2019, you can adopt an animal for $14 at PAWS Humane Society or you can visit PAWS at Petco, one of their adoption partners, on Saturday, Feb. 16, for a $14 adoption there.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to the Ledger-Enquirer

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE LIVING

Home & Garden

Hot Property: A mega-mogul’s desert showplace

February 15, 2019 03:00 AM

Living

Game review: How to take and share photos with Pok–mon Go Snapshot

February 14, 2019 03:00 AM

Living

Thin Mints are going digital: Chicago Girl Scouts offer online cookie sales

February 14, 2019 03:00 AM

Living

Hey, students: Design a drone/robot combo for a virtual moon landing, and you could win a trip to NASA

February 14, 2019 03:00 AM

Living

How to be a journalist: Lessons from students behind #SinceParkland

February 14, 2019 03:00 AM

Living

It’s official: Girls can be part of Boy Scouts program and are able to work way up to Eagle designation

February 14, 2019 03:00 AM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Columbus Ledger-Enquirer App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
Advertising
  • Digital Solutions
  • Niche Solutions
  • Print Solutions
  • Place a Classified
  • Local Deals
Copyright
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story