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ASK CARLEY: Getting the groom in on planning the wedding

Q: My fiance hasn't been much help during the wedding planning. I'm starting to worry that this is a sign of things to come for our marriage. How can I get him to pitch in?

A: Don't worry; lack of groom involvement is not a bad sign. It may seem obvious, but have you tried telling him how you feel? He may be taking the stance of many grooms -- which is to back off and let the bride do everything.

You need to set him straight - the wedding day should be a reflection of both of you. Be up front with your expectations, and let him know that his input would mean the world to you. Ask him to join you for meetings with your photographer or consultant (getting him to the cake-tasting shouldn't be so hard); and if he has opinions about specifics, like whether to have a seated dinner or a buffet.

You might also try assigning him a task, like researching bands or DJs, to get him more involved. Hey, you never know -- as he slowly tests the waters of wedding planning, he might actually like it.

(Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com.)

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