Becoming fearless is not an easy task

I recently heard a story on NPR about a truly fearless woman.

She goes by a pseudonym, “SM,” for her own protection, because her inability to fear makes her an easy target for those with bad intentions.

She has suffered from a rare condition called Urbach-Weith disease for most of her life and it causes calcium deposits to form in the brain. In this particular case, they have formed all over her amygdalae, which are the parts of the brain responsible for creating fear.

As a result of this inability to feel fear, SM has found herself in situations that would make most of us cringe, recoil or fight, but she has done just the opposite.

Researchers expose her to poisonous snakes and other creepy crawlers, and she must be kept from trying to play with them. She thinks they’re sweet and has no anxiety about whether she will be hurt. She finds herself in what she interprets as polite situations with strangers who try to steal from her or hurt her. Instead of screaming in horror, she becomes angry and threatens them.

Despite a handful of episodes of being held at knife and gunpoint, SM has not been seriously harmed. This woman senses that nearly everyone she encounters has a warm feeling toward her, because she would never fear otherwise.

When my kids are playing rough with each other or teasing the puppy, I’m worried that someone will be hurt. When they climb up on chairs or counters, fear of a fall causes me to put them back on the ground. Motherhood, for me, is to some degree defined by fear.

And it doesn’t stop there: I’m afraid to underperform in my jobs and be seen as lazy, disorganized or worse, a fraud. I dread rejection and being misunderstood. As I go through my days, I certainly don’t feel consumed by fear. In fact, I get a sense of satisfaction and peace at the end of most days. But it’s clear to me that fear is a big part of my life.

I used to have anxious tendencies as a child. Maybe it was because we moved so often when I was younger. Maybe it’s just my personality. But I remember many nights pulling my covers up to my eyes, imagining what I would do if a robber were to break in or if something bad happened to my parents.

If I’m honest, the closest I’ve come to feeling like SM is when I really released my sense of control and relied on a higher power. A scripture comes to mind that brings great comfort in fearful times: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

And it seems that while apprehension can keep us out of some trouble, it can also make our lives miserable if unchecked. Trouble is coming whether we fear it or not. So what emotions should dictate our days? If we take a cue from SM, perhaps hope, curiosity and joy.

This story was originally published August 17, 2016 at 12:17 PM with the headline "Becoming fearless is not an easy task."