Untelling Secrets: New support group forming for incest survivors

Frances Morris died with a secret.

She passed away in 2001, leaving her modest home off Weems Road to a local social services ministry.

“She wrote a letter and said, ‘Do with this what you need,’ ” said Vicky Partin, the missioner, or director of Chattahoochee Valley Episcopal Ministry.

Morris’ secret was that she’d been molested as a child.

“She tried to talk to her sister and her sister said, ‘I never want to talk about this again,’ ” said Partin who, these 10 years later, has helped create a safe meeting space for other survivors called Shedding Our Secrets. The first support group meets Thursday night. It’s for anyone over 18.

Because Partin wasn’t familiar with incest, she said she “had to start collecting experts.” She called on people she knew locally -- experts in the field of counseling and crisis centers, to name two. As a social services ministry that offers direct aid to the underprivileged, CVEM also runs multi-faith youth programs and helps neighborhoods such as Beallwood in community organizing.

A board member of CVEM, Agnes Shelton, said: “We have found another need.”

As she began talking to people in the community, Partin quickly found that the word incest isn’t mentioned out loud much.

“It’s seldom said,” she reported.

The Rev. Peggy Myles of Ship of Zion Ministries International Church is the group’s spiritual director.

At a recent lunch meeting to bring together some of the collaborators, Kyle Bair of the Sexual Assault Support Center was among about 20 attendees.

“It happens frequently and it carries a stigma and people don’t want to talk about it,” Bair said of incest. “These victims need help and they need support.”

The meeting contained masks of various sizes, colors and styles. Because of the shame typically felt by the victims, they wear figurative masks to cover it up. One person might begin prostituting, another might abuse drugs or a third may dress very plainly, becoming almost asexual.

Terri Hasty-Bushae of Operation Butterfly in Columbus said she endured incidents of incest and rape beginning when she was 8.

“For years I used to wear a mask,” she said.

She didn’t tell anyone until she was grown. Operation Butterfly, which she founded, is a support group for women incest survivors. In this group, the women survivors use spirituality and media -- including music, art and writing -- to help themselves and each other. They are also encouraged to get into talk therapy. The group meets weekly at 1501 13th St., Suite P.

“One thing I learned is that what the enemy meant for evil, God turned it around for good. ... It’s been an honor to shed my secret,” Hasty-Bushae said.

‘For many, a way of life’

The most common form of child abuse, incest is defined as sexual contact between persons who are so closely related that their marriage would be illegal (e.g., parents and children, uncles/aunts, nieces/nephews, etc.). This usually takes the form of an older family member sexually abusing a child or adolescent, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN).

Incest is considered to be a particularly damaging form of sexual abuse because it’s perpetrated by individuals upon whom the victim trusts and depends. In addition, support can also be lacking and pressure to keep silent powerful as fear of the family breaking up can be overwhelming to other family members, according to RAINN.

This type of abuse does not discriminate. Persons of all races and socio-economic levels are affected.

Forty-four percent of victims are under 18; 80 percent are under 30, according to RAINN.

Another local survivor is a woman named Twilla Robinson-Booker, who runs an Internet talk show. She described people like her as “professional secret keepers.

“This is, for many, a way of life -- from birth,” she said. “It’s hard for people to imagine.”

In her case, she said her father told her that having sex with him was normal -- ‘This is what good girls do to make Daddy happy,’ ” she reported. She was treated like a princess.

“I thought I must be the most special girl in the world.”

A ballerina when she was young, Twilla felt special on the outside but scarred on the inside.

As a latchkey kid, Twilla was on the phone with a girlfriend one afternoon when the movie “Something About Amelia” came on. As her girlfriend chatted about the shocking father-daughter relationship, Twilla stayed silent. Based on what her friend was saying, it dawned on her that not all girls experienced what she did. Later, as she continued to face the truth, she asked her mother about it. “She said, ‘You must have done something to deserve that,’ ” Robinson-Booker said. She’s quite open with her story now. In “survivorship” about 25 years now, she wears a wide smile and shares hugs.

“I actually can smile and laugh,” she said.

Frances Morris’ secret, now out in the open, has become redemptive.

Allison Kennedy, 706-576-6237

This story was originally published May 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM with the headline "Untelling Secrets: New support group forming for incest survivors."