Pastoral Institute seminar offers 'Holiday Hope' for grieving

The Rev. Earl Nichols says for many people dealing with grief, telling their story is a big part of the healing process.

But some cannot find someone to listen.

Nichols will be listening at a free Holiday Hope seminar on Dec. 6 from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. in the community room of the Pastoral Institute on 15th Avenue in Columbus. No reservations are required.

The seminar is for people facing the holidays for the first time after the death of a loved one.

"The first time for any special occasion is painful for somebody who has lost a loved one but holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas can be especially bad," said Nichols, the director of clergy and congregational care at the Pastoral Institute. "There are so many memories. All of the big days make you more aware of your loss.

"I will talk for about 10 minutes then we will have people tell their stories," he said, explaining the seminar format. "People will find support from others going through the same situation."

Nichols said people need to be heard.

"When someone tells a grieving person to 'just get over it' what it really means is they don't want to hear your story," he said.

The holiday season is a time when a grieving person may look around and say, "'Everybody is celebrating but I am not. All the lights are up and the music is playing but I just don't have it in me. I can't decorate.'"

"That is OK," Nichols said. "Each person needs to grieve in their own particular way. People need to take care of their needs and deal with their grief."

Nichols said some may feel they need to treat the holidays as they did in the past. Others will want to do something completely different.

He said a widow may want to cook what was her husband's favorite dish or may feel having it might be too painful.

"You have to make the decision whether to stay with tradition or not," Nichols said.

Some find it better just to get away.

Nichols said while some may seem to be happy and seem to be handling the holiday season well, they might really be struggling.

Any loss can be a profound, while the loss of a direct family member is the most painful, the loss of a pet, a beloved boss or friend can also be difficult to handle during the holidays.

"Nobody should tell someone, 'It was just a dog,'" he said.

Nichols said it is also unhelpful to tell someone "you will be OK" or "it's not that bad."

It is beneficial for grieving people to hear how much somebody else misses their loved one.

Nichols said some people feel anger about the loss of a loved one and others feel guilt. Both emotions need to be addressed.

"There is not one response to grief," he said. "There is no time limit on grief. It can help for a person who has recently lost a loved one to talk with someone else who is a little further down the road in the healing process. People coming to our seminar will be able to do that."

This story was originally published November 27, 2015 at 10:33 PM with the headline "Pastoral Institute seminar offers 'Holiday Hope' for grieving ."