If you have to ask yourself why you are watching Duck Dynasty, you probably should not be watching it. And you certainly shouldn't watch back-to-back episodes.
But ... if you are addicted to Duck Dynasty and the Robertson family humor, back to back episodes is the way to go.
And a lot of people seem to be going that way. Last week, 8.6 million people watched the A&E Season 3 opener. That is almost twice as many people as live in Louisiana, the place where the duck dynasty was built. A week ago, more people watched Duck Dynasty than American Idol. There has to be telegraphing a fundamental shift in American values.
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Or something like that.
Wednesday night's first new episode was a prime example of why people have become addicted to the redneck reality show that is really not all that redneck. You had one ridiculous story line and one predictable. The ridiculous -- Phil Robertson spending a day with a pet photographer. Phil Robertson ain't the pet photographer type.
The predictable -- a bunch of Robertson men hitting the woods to heal a broken heart. Turns out John Luke, Willie's boy, broke up with his girlfriend. So, the guys went hunting nutria -- big rats. That happens in the South a lot.
Turns out the ridiculous story line was much funnier than the predictable. That happens a lot with Duck Dynasty.
The best lines of the night came from Phil Robertson and Seth -- the pet photographer. And they started before Seth even showed up.
"Pet photographer, that is the degree you get when you were rejected from a degree in aroma therapy," Phil cracked.
And it didn't take Phil long to observe Seth -- wearing two watches -- "ain't from around here." If you live anywhere in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia "you ain't from around here" is as natural as grits.
At one point, Seth asked Phil if it was safe as Phil shot up into a tree.
"You mean for the squirrel? Not so much," Phil observed.
Seth then said something about organic doggie treats for Phil and Miss Kay's dogs. "We got our own organic treats down here," Phil said, shaking a dead squirrel.
At the end of the day, Phil came around when Miss Kay fell in love the pictures.
"Well, Seth I give you some credit. You keep on shooting them pets and I will keep on shooting them ducks," Phil said.
That is just the Robertson way.
Turned out the men learned a thing about the modern teenage boy from John Luke during the hunting trip on Robertson land.
"Just like taxi cabs, flag you another one down," was Uncle Si's advice.
Si and women? This ought to be fun.
"Si is glaring example of what you never want to be if you want a women to talk to you ever," was Willie's take.
At the end of the trip, John Luke informed the guys his month-long relationship was back on.
"I just texted her," John Luke said. "We are all good now."
While Uncle Si was somewhat subdued in the first episode, he was an all-star in the second one. Doing a police ride-along with a West Monroe cop, Uncle Si and Willie were really funny. Not sure the cop was all that amused, but Uncle Si in a bullet-proof vest was funny without him even opening his mouth.
Just like they figured out the duck call business, these guys seem to have figured out television.
And it leaves people like me shaking their head.