Monday Mail: Get a Nugent gun to fight Martians

Tubes and wires and careful notes and antiquated notions, it's Monday Mail.

Blinded

Our opening is from the Thomas Dolby song "She Blinded Me With Science."

Science

This email's from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory at California's Institute of Technology:

Send Your Name To Mars! Mars enthusiasts around the world can participate in NASA's journey to Mars by adding their names to a silicon microchip headed to the Red Planet aboard NASA's InSight Mars lander, scheduled to launch next year.

"Our next step in the journey to Mars is another fantastic mission to the surface," said Jim Green, director of planetary science at NASA Headquarters. "By participating in this opportunity to send your name aboard InSight to the Red Planet, you're showing that you're part of that journey and the future of space exploration."

Submissions will be accepted until Sept. 8. To send your name to Mars aboard InSight, go to: http://go.usa.gov/3Aj3G

Dear NASA:

What an ingenious idea! Space junkies would love to send their names to Mars, I bet, so you should get a great response. And then they'll probably follow the mission online to see when their names get to Mars, too. They'll have a blast.

Until the Martians come looking for them.

Lock and load

When the Martians invade to find the people who put their names on a probe, we're all going to need to protect ourselves. Not just from the aliens, but from the liberals.

So why not sign up to win an AR-15 rifle shrink-wrapped in the U.S. flag and signed by Ted Nugent?

No, seriously -- he sent me an email:

Greetings Patriots:

Ted Nugent here.

I want you to know why I'm helping Congressman Ken Buck give this AR-15 away. He's a guy we can trust to fight for the values we share -- especially when it comes to the 2nd Amendment.

That's my kind of guy. Bold, brave, and packing heat in his office to scare off liberals.

Enter to win Congressman Ken Buck's semi-automatic AR-15 autographed by me, Ted Nugent.

Let me tell you more about this special AR-15 I want you to have. It's shrink-wrapped in the colors of Old Glory, autographed by yours truly. It's the most patriotic AR-15 you can own.

After you enter, consider making a generous contribution to Ken Buck's reelection campaign.

Sincerely, American Blood Brothers,

Ted Nugent.

Dear Ted:

I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to donate to political causes. Can I just sign up for the gun? I don't have any patriotic firearms.

Tim Chitwood, tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com, 706-571-8508.

This story was originally published August 30, 2015 at 9:48 PM with the headline "Monday Mail: Get a Nugent gun to fight Martians ."