Etiquette training part of Columbus High’s magnet program

Along with the excellent academics that place the school among the top in the state’s annual rankings, Columbus High dedicates time to teach its students etiquette.

Yes, etiquette.

This is the 25^th anniversary for Columbus High School being the Liberal Arts College Preparatory Magnet in the Muscogee County School District — and etiquette is a part of that preparation.

Critics might call etiquette training in a public school an anachronism or even a waste of time that otherwise should be devoted to academic subjects. Columbus High magnet director Paul Hampton has an unflinching response.

“We think it’s important,” he said. “Our students come to us from all walks of life, and we try to get all of our students ready for any situation. So by making sure they are comfortable in a very formal dining situation or an informal dining situation, we want to make sure they know how to stand out in a very positive way and not necessarily bring attention to themselves in a negative way.”

One of the signature events of that etiquette training is the Holiday Social, which is as old as the magnet program. The school’s first Holiday Social was in 1991 at Wynnton United Methodist Church. Teachers prepared a buffet in the fellowship hall. Now, the event is a catered dinner with a grand seating chart in the Columbus Convention & Trade Center.

Impress for success

The Holiday Social goes beyond celebrating the season. The educational purpose is to improve the chances students are prepared to impress for success at occasions such as college scholarship interviews, some of which include meals.

Columbus High assistant principal Michele Grier recalled “one of many” examples of how etiquette training has benefited students. A student beat eight other finalists for a scholarship after dining with the selection committee.

“She was so comfortable knowing what the proper dress would be and how to keep conversation going,” Grier said. “She was the only candidate who could interact with the adults talking about more than the weather. She knew how to use every bit of the table setting and knew how to pass things. She felt like all of that gave her a little bit of an edge. … She came back and told us, ‘Thank you. I was able to take what I learned here and apply it.’”

Hearing that story, Grier said, “makes us proud of our students. It makes us believe in our program. It’s confirmation that what we’re doing is the right thing.”

Spanish teacher Jamie Wilson graduated from Columbus High in 1997, when her last name was Davis.

“Children today aren’t taught proper etiquette,” Wilson said. “They’re not taught manners at home as much as they were maybe 40 years ago. So to be able to still instill that into children so when they’re adults it can keep being passed down is very important.

“Having the opportunity to dress up and be in a situation where you get treated like an adult, you get to experience something from a whole different perspective compared to your everyday life.”

Hampton ensures students receive help if they don’t have proper clothing for the event.

“We take care of those things,” he said.

Proper clothing

Proper clothing for the Holiday Social, according to Columbus High’s guidelines, is dressy casual. For females, that’s a dress or a blouse or sweater with a non-denim skirt or nice pair of pants. For males, that’s a shirt and tie or a sweater with a nice pair of pants.

Two years ago, a Columbus High student’s online petition attracted more than 1,400 supporters after she and dozens of other females were given in-school suspension for violating the dress code at the Holiday Social.

“We have had kids try different things,” Hampton acknowledged, “but part of that is teaching them what is appropriate so that, when it really counts in real life, they won’t be embarrassed about wearing something inappropriate to a particular event.”

Columbus High staff members have stopped using rulers to measure dress and skirt lengths, strap widths and heel sizes at the Holiday Social. Hampton said with a smile, “Those days are gone.”

Instead, he added, the emphasis is on this: “Think about how many different kids from different backgrounds don’t have the same experiences. They need those opportunities, and if they have them, they’re going to feel more comfortable and be more successful.”

Nine students couldn’t attend this year’s Holiday Social because of scheduling conflicts, Hampton said. To make up the requirement, their alternative assignment is to write a report on manners and etiquette.

Other requirements

Students are required to write two thank-you notes per year on school cards, turned into their homeroom teacher.

“They’re not teaching cursive anymore, but we think it’s important to make sure that art form isn’t lost and they can correspond with an adult,” Hampton said. “We told them it doesn’t matter who they write it to, as long as they write it from the heart.”

Some of those thank-you notes go to those who make the Holiday Social meal at the Trade Center.

“It’s also important for them to understand how you interact with the servers,” Hampton said. “Kids are used to yelling across a room, but they only know that’s inappropriate when we teach them. We can’t expect students to behave in a particular way unless we take the time to teach them behave.”

Columbus High students also attend lunch-and-learns with a guest speaker.

“The teachers don’t sit with them,” Hampton said. “Once we teach them all this, we let them be on their own. We just observe and come back and tell them if there are issues.”

Theater etiquette also is taught by attending a play, as is a buffet event.

“It’s not just talking about it,” Grier said. “It’s about implementing it.”

The Holiday Social and other events for etiquette training are funded by the $40 social fee for each student.

Seniors as hosts

Each table at the Holiday Social has a mix of freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors.

“The seniors are responsible for the conversation at the table,” Hampton said. “They’re responsible for the behavior of the other students. … The teachers used to host, but then they wanted the students to have those responsibilities.”

Last week, in a senior Humanities class, teacher Pam Haga facilitated a discussion about how they can be good hosts at their table.

A female student urged her fellow seniors to direct the conversation toward topics beyond school. “Columbus High this, Columbus High that,” she said. “It tends to get boring.”

Haga asked, “What do you suggest?”

“Ask them what they’re doing for Christmas or the holidays or do you watch this show,” she said.

A male student recalled, when he was a freshman, he appreciated seniors giving him advice about school and planning for their futures.

“Ask them what they’re worried about,” he said.

A female student noted she still is friends with some students she met at her Holiday Social table.

A male student suggested, “Maybe after the dinner, you could take a picture together.”

Haga cautioned, “We have a rule about cellphones. Remember what that is? We can’t have them out during dinner, but afterward, that’s a great idea.”

A female student said she has used the etiquette she learned at Columbus High to help in JROTC formal situations, and another said those lessons helped her feel comfortable eating dinner with the bosses of the business where she works.

Another female student reminded her fellow females to keep the arm that they’re not eating with under the table because they otherwise would look masculine. And all students, she added, should “make sure everyone at your table has their plate before you start eating.”

Focus on freshmen

Freshmen receive etiquette lessons in their Writers Workshop class, which used to be called Foundations of Knowledge.

“We really focus on our freshmen,” Hampton said, “making sure they understand what’s expected for the next four years for different events.”

In the Writers Workshop class taught by Hope Boswell last week, the freshmen had plastic ware set at their desks to simulate the formal place settings they would see at the Holiday Social.

“You may also have a fork or spoon located right here at the top,” Boswell told her students. “Can anybody tell me or guess what that might be for?”

A few students say, “Dessert.”

Boswell: “Yes. Traditionally, we have two types of dessert on the table for you to choose from. One of them is chocolate; one of them is non-chocolate. Thou shalt not fight thy neighbor for thy chocolate.”

Hampton confided privately, “This year, the desserts aren’t chocolate because we have some people who are allergic.”

Regardless, Boswell told her students, when they are done with their dessert, “you leave your flatware across your plate. That way the waiter or waitress knows to take it from you.”

Boswell also warned the freshmen about a potentially awkward situation at the beginning of the meal.

“People may ask you for your soup,” she said. “You can tell them no. They are very, very adamant about how wonderful the soup is, but it is yours.”

The teacher was referring to the tomato bisque with a puff-pastry crust.

“You stick your spoon in there, and steam comes out,” Hampton said. “For the kids, it just became like the best thing ever. Then one year, we didn’t have it, and it was like, ‘You cheated me out of my soup!’ … One year, they made a change in it. Instead of the puff pastry, they had croutons. Not only did I get complaints from students but also from teachers. … They call it ‘Columbus High Soup’ now at the Trade Center.”

For boys eager to show off their manners, Boswell had another warning: “Is it wrong for a lady to push her own chair in? No, if a lady wants to do her own chair, that is fine. Please, please, please don’t rush up and push her. She certainly is allowed to do it by herself.”

Receiving line

Hampton quizzed the freshmen on the receiving line procedure. They remembered that the key is to make eye contact and smile.

This year, the Holiday Social fed 1,307 folks for dinner (1,221 students, plus school staff and other guests) at a total of 166 tables. Columbus High art teacher Melinda Hull led the decorating crew of faculty members and parent volunteers.

“Not students,” Hampton said. “We want it to be a surprise for them.”

In the receiving line are representatives from the school district and the school’s Partners in Education (Aflac, Maneuver Battle Lab, St. Paul United Methodist Church and Mathnasium).

Thursday night, the students showed what they learned. As the annual Holiday Social began with the receiving line, they had a choice: Which side of the double-wide red carpet should they walk down?

The brave ones chose the side with principal Marvin Crumbs and superintendent David Lewis waiting to shake their hand.

This story was originally published December 18, 2016 at 12:41 PM with the headline "Etiquette training part of Columbus High’s magnet program."