Alva James-Johnson: We all become our mothers eventually

My 17-year-old daughter recently showed me a dress she plans to wear to an event, and I just couldn't resist the urge to critique.

"Don't you think you should wear something a little more formal," I asked in my not-so-subtle way.

Then she offered this little tidbit of information.

"You sound just like grandma," she said, to which I quickly replied, "And one day you will sound just like me."

My daughter wasn't too thrilled with that prediction.

The truth is, I've known for some time that I've been morphing into my mother. People always said we resembled, but now when I look in the mirror, I actually see her face.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. I've always considered my mother an attractive woman.

What really freaks me out is how much I sound like my mother, especially when disciplining my kids.

"Clean your rooms, now!" I scream to the top of my lungs. "And don't talk back to you mother."

There's also this gem passed down from generation to generation.

"When you get your own place, you will be able to set the rules. But while you're in my house "

I'm sure you get the drift.

Yet, this was never my intention. Before I had children, I was one of those women who scoffed at mothers who shouted at their kids. I thought they needed to be more understanding and sensitive to the children's feeling.

I knew there was a better way, and I was going to find it. I would be different, I told myself, allowing my future children to freely express themselves and always responding to their imperfections at perfect pitch.

It started out fine with all the baby talk. But as the girls began to grow, things began to change.

They became a little too expressive, and I had to set boundaries to let them know who's the boss.

And that, of course, is me. It's a hat that I wear proudly.

Yet I could never be quite as stern as my mother's generation, and my parent's considered me a pushover for all the things with which I let the girls get away.

"That's the problem with your generation," they said. "You want to be friends with your kids, but what children need are parents."

I get the point, but I've always wondered: "Can't I be both?"

My mother, it turns out, has mellowed over the years, becoming the sweet, doting grandparent. I, on the other hand, have toughened up, becoming who she once was.

So when I prophesy about my daughter's future, I'm not kidding. Motherhood is a tricky business that's passed down from generation to generation. Chances are she's doomed to be me one day.

This story was originally published May 7, 2015 at 9:56 PM with the headline "Alva James-Johnson: We all become our mothers eventually."