Government. Surplus. Auction. That should get your attention in Columbus

All it takes is three little words to draw a crowd on an overcast Saturday morning in Columbus.

Government. Surplus. Auction. That’ll do it.

And if you don’t believe it, you should have been at the Columbus Water Works plant services facility off 54th Street, because you would have a better understanding of the phenomenon.

About 300 people showed up looking for a bargain on vehicles, heavy equipment, generators, trailers and even a yellow golf cart.

Yellow golf cart? “The Cadillac of golf carts,” is how auctioneer J.W. Smith termed it.

As someone who has had his eye on that golf cart for more than a week, I can say without question Mr. Smith oversold it in his description. I would call it the Kia of golf carts — highly functional and worth a little more than people suspect.

Now, don’t get my wrong, it is a fine golf cart, except for maybe the color. But it has front and rear seats. A nice top and windshield. The rear seat folded into a bed for hauling.

A fine golf cart if you could get it for your price.

Just before the auction started at 10, my wife and I pulled up to the site with our sights set on the golf cart. It became obvious from the time we walked across the road who the competition was going to be.

An elderly gentleman was sitting in the passenger side of the cart as if he owned it. (In writing parlance, the previous sentence was foreshadowing, but please keep reading.)

A much younger man, could have been a grandson, was sitting in the driver’s seat. It became obvious to the older gentleman, that, I too, was interested in the golf cart. I was double checking everything, and looking for the charger, which was not with the cart.

“It’s probably worth 700 or 800 bucks,” the gentleman said.

He was playing poker and I was playing dumb — which is my specialty.

I responded that it was probably worth $150 to $200, knowing full well that I had far more than that in cash money, tucked into my hip pocket.

Columbus-based Evans Auctioneers did the bidding for the Columbus Water Works. And it was a show.

Ann Evans, the owner and widow of the company’s founder, Wayne Evans, thanked everyone for coming out. But, in the way that only a well-bred Southern lady can, she informed the menfolks, of which most of the bidders were, that there were several rules, but one in particular.

“You pay for it before you leave,” she told those who would place the highest bids on the more than 75 items.

Then she issued the sweetest of all warnings.

“We all know what happens when the women aren’t happy,” she said. “And, if you mess with her money, she is doubly unhappy.”

Check. Double check. Got it. When I buy that golf cart, pay Miss Ann first.

She then told everyone they needed IDs because the Department of Homeland Security wanted to know who was buying surplus government property. I may wrong, but I don’t think I saw any potential terrorists hanging around the back hoes, but you never know these days.

Better to be safe than sorry, because some of those generators probably have enough power to launch a North Korean missile.

As they moved toward the golf cart, items were going one by one. A 2007 Ford Crown Victoria with 141,000 miles sold for $3,700. A 2011 Kia Sorento with 138,000 miles went for $7,100.

Just keep it moving, Miss Ann. And she did. As they sold an old tractor, the golf cart was next.

I am not good at this auction thing, so my wife had our bid card. I know me, and I would probably double our preset limit, and you know what Miss Ann said about happy.

As they started the bidding on the golf cart, guess who was sitting in the front seat? Yep, the elderly gentleman. I know what it feels like to be Tennessee Tech playing Alabama. It was obvious this would not end well for me.

The auctioneer tried to get an opening bid of $2,500. No one was biting. By the time he had knocked it down to $500, it was game on. Except we made one bid, $700 when it became obvious the old man was playing for keeps.

Someone to our left kept it honest and ran the price up. When it was over, the man sitting in the cart as if he owned it, did own it. And it cost him $1,900, plus the buyer’s premium, which will push the price over $2,000. That was easily double what I was willing to spend.

Too rich for my blood, but it was a great morning of entertainment.

This story was originally published April 29, 2017 at 12:30 PM with the headline "Government. Surplus. Auction. That should get your attention in Columbus."