Chuck Williams: When you have no clue what to say, say something

I have this dear friend, someone who is wise, blunt and understands this world in ways I can't.

I will go several weeks without talking to him, then when I need to get a view of the world from someone who is a few more miles down life's road, I call him.

I always take something away from those conversations.

He's a rock.

But even rocks have cracks.

Earlier this year, he went through an unspeakable family tragedy. I tried several times in the wake of it to call him -- even pulled the number up on my cellphone.

It took about six weeks before we finally talked. As I recall, the conversation wasn't about his struggle. Near the end, I said something feeble about being terribly sorry about his plight.

He said, "I was wondering why you didn't call."

His words stung.

"I was wondering why you didn't call."

There was no judgment in his voice, just a simple statement that he had every right to make.

My reply was simple as well: "I didn't know what to say."

After our belated conversation, I sent him an email.

"I should have called you much earlier, and I am glad you called me on it," I wrote. "Sometimes when we don't know what to say, we say nothing. And nothing has a voice of its own. Today, I realized that in a way I never have. And I am thankful for that."

I told him my prayer was he and his family found the peace that passes all understanding.

His response was great advice.

"If I did not love you like I do, I would not have told you to henceforth say something, even if it is gibberish," he wrote. " It is just the 'I'm so sorry' or 'I'm thinking about you' that affirms what we really already know, but it does help. I call them my life preservers. Knowing that others do care, do know and that you are in their hearts and/or prayers gives you a lift."

His words have great meaning, and are a lesson for all of us.

"But, please know that even if I had not heard from you, I knew why and that you were hurting with me," he wrote. "That helps, too, but I am glad you finally broke the silence. We both feel better for it."

Think about that.

"We both feel better for it."

Two weeks ago, my boss asked me to go with him to visit a former colleague in the hospital. I didn't want to go and began looking for excuses. Then, I thought about the email from my dear friend earlier this year.

I went. We had a great visit, even laughed about old memories.

I felt better when I walked out of that hospital room.

Exactly two weeks later, I was at the former colleague's funeral. As I sat in that pew, I did so with no regret because I got to say goodbye, though I did not know it at the time.

And it happened because a dear, old friend told me when you have no clue what to say, just say something.

Chuck Williams, senior reporter, chwilliams@ledger-enquirer.com.

This story was originally published December 8, 2014 at 1:27 PM with the headline "Chuck Williams: When you have no clue what to say, say something."