Chuck Williams: Next time, instead of goats get a lawn mower

Sometimes life is a goat roping.

Ask Joanne Cogle. Or better yet, ask David and John the Baptist, two country goats from out in Alabama that spent the weekend in downtown Columbus.

Cogle thought it would be a good idea to bring two goats into her Historic District yard to help manage the overgrowth. She could have used a weed whacker or lawn mower, but when people, including her father, told her the goats were a bad idea she did it in spite of them.

She had a point to prove. This was far more environmentally friendly than a lawn mower. And the bet here is goats were among the first settlers in downtown Columbus.

A friend who lives out in Salem loaned Cogle the Biblical pair and she brought them into town on Friday.

By dark on the first night it was not going as planned. In fact, it wasn’t going at all.

“At first they were just paralyzed,” Cogle said. “I don’t know if it was all the music blaring, the gunshots. I just don’t know.”

But Friday night was an adventure, and Cogle began to document it on Facebook. Her friends obviously found the story compelling and, as she puts it, “my analytics went through the roof.”

“This is such an emotional rollercoaster,” she posted early in the process.

It was a roller coaster because the goats refused to do what they had been brought into the city to do.

“They wouldn’t eat anything,” Cogle said.

So she called the goats’ owner and asked what she should do to get this lawn party rolling. The answer was to throw out some grain cereal.

So, what did the goats do next?

“They ate the Cheerios,” Cogle said.

But they didn’t eat the vines or the grass that were on the original menu.

And it didn’t take long before the neighbors noticed something was amiss at the Cogle home. You see, in addition to leaving their appetite back home in Lee County, John the Baptist and David brought their outside voices.

“Have you ever heard a goat cry?” Cogle said.

Well, apparently quite a few people in downtown Columbus had the honor and privilege of hearing that sound over the weekend.

“My next door neighbor called and asked if we had goats in the backyard,” Cogle said.

It is hard to lie when the goats are on the back porch trying to kick in the door. Cogle was discovering a hard fact of life that one of her friends, Dorothy McDaniel, pointed out on Facebook: “Respect, Joanne Cogle, for the great goat lawn maintenance experiment. Trouble is goats do what goats want. ...”

Yes, they do, especially John the Baptist.

By Saturday, friends and neighbors were making their way to the Cogle house. If the goats were not going to eat, at least they could serve as the featured attractions in a makeshift petting zoo.

Cogle’s dog, an Australian Shepherd named Mick even tried to use his herding instincts. That didn’t last long.

“The goats were head-butting him,” Cogle said.

You don’t herd goats with Biblical names.

McDaniel was one of the friends who offered support — if that is what you call it. She would not term it a success or failure.

“It was an experience,” McDaniel said.

By Sunday, the experience was done. Cogle — a triathlete, coach, trainer and race director — was beaten.

“Should you ever have a brief lapse in judgment and want a goat, call me,” she posted. “I will now go mow my lawn—with a lawn mower.”

This story was originally published May 16, 2016 at 3:12 PM with the headline "Chuck Williams: Next time, instead of goats get a lawn mower."