How to celebrate a last-minute, do-it-yourself Oktoberfest

Haven’t celebrated Oktoberfest yet? Well, if you live in Columbus, Ga., it looks like you’ll just have to do it yourself.

That’s because (1) Fort Benning’s excellent Oktoberfest was last weekend, and (2) apparently there are no longer any German restaurants in Columbus.

When we moved here 15 years ago, my wife and I frequented Al’s Schnitzel Gasthaus, which started out on Warm Springs Road next to Kick N Chicken and later moved next to an island-themed motel off Victory Drive.

Now it’s gone.

As the kids got older, we took family outings to Bavarian House, which had authentic German fare despite using the English spelling of “house.”

The last time we ate there, Bess had just won $100 in a drawing from Piggly Wiggly. After the excitement wore off from repeatedly listening to Bear O’Brian announce the prize on our home answering machine, we drove to Bavarian House, where Bess announced that each child could choose any wurst AND any schnitzel, along with any flavor of Fanta, the German kind with the real – and really unhealthy – sugar.

Ah, those were the days. Gone too.

Maybe today there’s a German restaurant hidden somewhere in Columbus, but a perusal of Trip Advisor for ethnic cuisine turns up only the following: American, Asian, Cajun & Creole, Caribbean, Central American, Chinese, Greek, Indian, Irish, Italian, Jamaican, Japanese, Korean, Latin, Mediterranean, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Mongolian, Puerto Rican, Southwestern, Spanish, Szechuan, Thai and Vietnamese.

Now our family holds our own Oktoberfest every year and will be doing so this afternoon, on the last possible October Saturday of the year. It’s such a big deal that our two eldest children came home for the weekend, passing up a chance to attend the sporting event formerly known as (but still resembling) the World’s Largest Cocktail Party.

Anyway, I guess since the above headline implies this is a “how-to” story, I will now tell you how to celebrate Oktoberfest on your own.

First, here’s the quick adult version: Go to the nearest grocery store and buy some Samuel Adams Octoberfest beer and some Johnsonville brats.

This is not remotely German, of course. I mean, the folks at Sam Adams don’t even use a “K” to spell Octoberfest.

So f you want to feel more authentic, you can replace the Sam Adams with Spaten Oktoberfest Bier, available in many local stores and meeting the qualifications of the Reinheitsgebot, which is of course the German Purity Law of 1516.

The German grocery I used to frequent has also closed, so I have no idea how to improve on Johnsonville brats. Fresh Market always offers a nice variety of sausages.

Here’s the family version:

We always grill bratwurst, and on the stove inside I’m frying peppers and onions in a skillet with butter and red pepper flakes and then cut up some of the grilled sausages and throw them into the pan and empty a bottle of beer (mostly into the pan and not into the chef) and cook everything down.

We keep a bunch of bratwurst intact of course, and then we serve everything with rolls and mustard and a cucumber salad and probably some fried potatoes. And foreign Fanta, of course.

Last year, I made rolladen – flank steak stuffed with onions, bacon and pickles – but this year we’re having schnitzel. The best part is pounding the cutlets with a mallet.

We build a fire in the pit outside and we sit and eat. Bess and I tell stories about living in Germany when everybody else in our family didn’t exist. I guess it helps to know where you come from.

So maybe the first step is to visit Germany, and then come back and rekindle the magic the best you can.

This story was originally published October 28, 2016 at 8:24 PM with the headline "How to celebrate a last-minute, do-it-yourself Oktoberfest."