Live. Work. Play. Duck. Cover.

Marvelous judgment, if not particularly good taste, it’s Monday Mail.

Apocalypse now

Today’s opening is from the 1975 apocalyptic science-fiction film “A Boy and His Dog.” It’s about a telepathic dog and his owner in a world wrecked by nuclear war, with a grotesquely clownish civilization continuing on underground.

That particular quote references cannibalism.

Gone to ground

Today we have an email regarding last week’s column on defunct intercontinental nuclear missile silos being refurbished as luxury condos for rich people worried about today’s threats to Western civilization: nuclear war, epidemics, zombie apocalypses, riots, famine, climate change, Donald Trump, etc.

This message is from yet another company involved in such redevelopment. Apparently it’s a trend.

So now I’m thinking Columbus surely has some old bomb shelters investors can renovate to suit our own vision of America’s ultimate doom. For example, builders here might plug in some extra room for a bar and a large liquor vault.

Downtown used to post roadside active-verb signs to promote living here: “Live. Work. Play.” So we still could use those, and just add a couple of words. “Uptown Columbus: Live. Work. Play. Run! Hide!”

Here’s the email from Deidre Woollard:

Hi Tim,

I saw your post on the doomsday condos and wanted to share with you a couple of missile silos that are listed in Upstate New York.

The first one has been listed for a while; it’s cheap but essentially a hole in the ground. The second one has the super cool pictures and the big price tag. It is maybe the most complete and cleanest Atlas F missile silo in the world. Very secure and most electronically advanced property in the county. The main silo has been cleaned and dewatered which all others are full of water. The next owner can live in the Launch Control Center (LCC) and build out the main silo (18 stories) to whatever they desire. Long driveway with 8-foot fence around perimeter allows complete privacy. The 40-by-100 foot above ground storage facility for extra room. It even has functional main blast doors.

The agent, Brian Dominic is a great guy and super knowledgeable about these types of properties if you wanted to reach out to him. I’d be happy to connect you.

Dear Deidre:

Thanks, but I’d better hold off on that until the loan comes through.

I’m waiting to see if the bank really believes I’m going to pay it back after the world ends.

Fraud

Here’s a message about a piece on credit-card fraud:

Reading your article made me think of something that happened to me. You can hear about this and read about this but it always happens to someone else. This time I WAS the “someone” else.

My bank had just sent me my updated credit card so I broke it in with a $15 purchase at my friendly grocery store. I paid the bill when it came in and thought no more about that card.

Two months later I received a call asking if I had made two purchases totaling $20,000 dollars which was my card limit. These purchases were made online. While the service person waited I went to where I kept my card and there it was, still in the drawer. When informed the charges were dropped from my card.

When my bank statement came in, there were two charges on the card. The second one was for an airline ticket on a South Africa airline.

The question is how did they get my card number? How did they get my name? I didn’t carry the card and used it only once. How can you be sure that there isn’t someone standing at the next register with a scanner? We are all persons of the electronic age and I have learned that it is scary….

Cassonya.

Dear Cassonya:

That sounds like an inside job. Are you sure your grocery is friendly?

This story was originally published February 5, 2017 at 2:09 PM with the headline "Live. Work. Play. Duck. Cover.."