Columbus was almost Redbox hot

To underscore our love affair with tenderness and feeling that we’ve come to know, it’s Monday Mail.

Old fashioned

Today’s opening is from “Old Fashioned Love Song” by Three Dog Night, because it’s Feb. 13, 2017, and another Valentine’s Day is imminent.

Red Box

So let me tell you this stupid Valentine’s Day story.

Last week we got a news release from a public relations firm representing Redbox, the company with the red movie vending machines you see outside drug stores and other hot spots.

Here’s what the email said:

Hi Tim,

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Redbox, America’s leading destination for affordable new release movie and video game rentals, has released its annual findings on the most romantic cities in America. And guess what… Columbus made the hot list!

The findings are based on rentals of romance and rom-com movies. Some of the popular titles that got hearts fluttering include “Me Before You,” “The Choice” and “The Perfect Match.”

Columbus scored in the top 20 most love-dovey cities, along with other somewhat surprising nationwide locations.

Would you like the full list? Happy to send you the press release and answer any questions.

Please let me know if you plan on covering!

The Pitch

OK, so that came from Pitch Public Relations of Chandler, Ariz., and though it started “Hi Tim,” it actually went to the whole newsroom, where up to five reporters emailed back asking for the list, because we all wanted to post it online and see how much traffic it generated, and what sort of comments it would draw.

Typically anything about ranking the city attracts a crime tirade, like, “Romantic my fanny! Columbus is overrun with crime! It’s a hell hole! Criminals everywhere! That’s why I moved to Chicago!”

The Redbox PR person emailed the list back to all five reporters who didn’t know anyone else was asking for it. I just forwarded mine to the editors, because I figured they probably wouldn’t like my spin on sad, lonely people renting cheap romance movies to try to fill the void in their lives, stopping off at the Redbox outside Walgreen’s after buying contraceptives they’ll never use and refilling anti-depressant prescriptions they will.

Fortunately, that take on romantic comedy vending machine rankings proved unnecessary, for Columbus.

Well, for Columbus, Ga., anyway – not Columbus, Miss.

With a quote from a Redbox “customer experience officer” about “which markets were more inclined to look for love” and “light-hearted insights into where romance lives nationwide,” the list of most romantic cities came like this:

Glendive, Mont.; Columbus, Miss.; Sherman, Texas; Fairbanks, Alaska; Lake Charles, La.; Columbia, Mo.; Sioux Falls, S.D.; Lincoln, Neb.; Salisbury, Md.; and Fargo, N.D.

That’s the top 10. No city in Georgia, Alabama or Florida made the top 20.

Apparently our lives aren’t so empty that we have to watch romantic comedies to seek fulfillment in some sad fantasy.

Well, as far as I know, anyway. I’m so out of the loop on the dating scene that I don’t know what pick-up lines singles use now. Maybe something like, “May I borrow your phone? I need to call my doctor to ask if my heart is healthy enough for sex.”

If you were hoping Columbus (Georgia) would be the rom-com capital of the world, don’t despair. Surely other surveys will catch us doing something. Maybe studies will show we buy a lot more flowers than other cities, and we’ll see what sort of comments that news draws online.

(“Criminals! Posing as florists! Don’t open the door! It’s a trick! They hide knives in the rose bouquet so they can pull ’em out fast!”)

This story was originally published February 12, 2017 at 3:11 PM with the headline "Columbus was almost Redbox hot."